tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-79939921622984304392024-03-13T15:30:12.467-04:00A MOMment of ReflectionJenniferhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06373180318642098124noreply@blogger.comBlogger81125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7993992162298430439.post-10232297347096132292014-03-31T18:37:00.002-04:002014-03-31T18:37:47.606-04:00What a day...Today is one of those days I am grateful for my friends who just pop in to see how Im doing. I am bad at reaching out to people when I need help or direction and I love when those know when I am lying about my "oh! Im fine." and just help me vent. Its been a rough day and perhaps its an emotional part of the month for me but I'm just feeling a bit overwhelmed and a bit confused on what direction to take. Sigh. Its one of those days that you want to look back at yourself 15 years from now and scream...what did you EVER have to be stressed over? Being an adult is hard! lol. And it is. Anyways, in other news, I have a 5K run this weekend that I am really excited about. Its called the RIDICULOUS RUN and while its been a very long time since my last 5K, Im up for it. lol. Going with a fun group of girls and I think just being out will be super therapeutic. I wish my hubs could come but unfortunately, he has to work. But he has really stepped up to the plate these last 3 weeks and I honestly couldn't ask for a better partner in life.Jenniferhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06373180318642098124noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7993992162298430439.post-4355085852540681602014-03-30T10:01:00.000-04:002014-03-30T10:01:12.775-04:00Changes...OH man. Its been FOREVER since I wrote in this blog. So many changes have happened and are continuing to happen! I am so grateful at the place God has taken my family and myself personally. I am a little pressed for time, but I just felt the need to put some things down on paper. Or on computer. Whatever. LOL. But this past year, I've been praying a lot about revealing the heart of people near to me and also to steer me in the direction of people who are for my family and growth and away from those who are pretty much just out for elevating themselves at the cost of others. Away from those who pray for others as long as they stay a notch above their notch. I've seen some who can't praise the advancement of someone else because either they felt they were undeserving (as though someone has the gall to judge the blessings of others) or because they are downright jealous. I've been blessed to have rekindled several damaged friendships and had wonderful creations of others. I've kept a lot more of myself private and a lot of developments private. I'm learning lessons of humbleness and fighting against pride or boastfulness. Its not an attractive quality and even if it can unintentional, sometimes its just best to celebrate victories in a very small circle of trustworthy people and not with the world. I've lost someone special this year. The death of my best friend's father, whom was a better father to me for over 18 years than my own father was really hard on me. Extremely hard. I am grateful for the friends I can lean on and speak to about it. I am so grateful for the love of others because in the end, to pass in a circle of genuine love is what matters. Just a lot of revelations. A lot of shielding. A lot of protecting. A lot of cultivating. A lot of growth. A lot of gratefulness. A LOT of stress. lol. Anxiety has never been a stranger to me. Ever. But I have been doing my best to control it. Sometimes failing miserably. sometimes successfully. My son is still beyond incredible. I am forever grateful for my sweet boy. My special gift. He has so many wonderful talents, and every single day with him is such a gift. He is destined to do great things. I know it in my heart. And its our job as parents to protect his as well. Anyways, I got to get moving soon, but just a tiny intro to the progression of my life and I will be getting more specific when I have a little more time to write. But just know God has been SOO good and so faithful! We have a lot of exciting things in rotation but with that being said, I am in current prayer about several other things weighing on my heart so please pray about that!Jenniferhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06373180318642098124noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7993992162298430439.post-33488022493209789602013-01-22T13:13:00.001-05:002013-01-22T13:13:16.629-05:00Its been forever...and not a weight post.I am beyond pissed. I honestly can't believe my frickin class. After dealing with all the damn bullshit I've had to deal with these past two years, I get this bullshit. It honestly makes me want to go into a complete fuckin fit right now. Im angry. Very angry. And I understand that I am a sore loser. I know this about myself. Yes, I do. And I also know that none of you know what the hell Im venting about right now, and I apologize because I dont even feel like going into it completely. I just need to get the words from my head out on paper. Its just a lesson about unappreciative people. And I saw the smug ass faces on some of their faces. And no it doesn't matter how close I came. I AM PISSED. And the assholes I can't stand had their sweet little redemption I suppose. Fuck em. Fuck them all. I am tired of even trying with them quite honestly and I hope its shot to hell. you honestly think SHE will be able to pull it off. Good fucking luck. And don't come to me and ask for any help. Im checking the fuck out. Im doing my best with a game face but I honestly want to leave right now. And yes, I want to walk out of class right now, and yes I am aware that I may be overreacting a bit but Im a sore ass loser and I am angry.<br />
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Okay, Im finally calming down a little...<br />
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And now Im just sad...Jenniferhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06373180318642098124noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7993992162298430439.post-75424684756629001512012-12-21T10:41:00.003-05:002012-12-21T10:41:48.150-05:00Bitchy things people say...."OMG! Yeah girl, you see these pants...they are big and they are a size 4. I can't afford to lose any more weight. I use to be super thick, like you. Like super thick."<br />
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Thanks bitch.Jenniferhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06373180318642098124noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7993992162298430439.post-86818384198589844602012-12-04T10:43:00.002-05:002012-12-04T10:43:43.387-05:00Weigh in After two weeks...Hello All-<br />
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So I had my weigh in today. I took off last week because the week before was Thanksgiving and I was just enjoying stuffing my face in Savannah a little too much. So, I got back on track, weighed in and... I am at 184.6. I have lost EXACTLY 30 lbs today. Wow. Im proud of myself. I just can't believe I've made it this far. Ive NEVER made it this far. I've started and stopped diets for literally over ten years. I've never been able to truly be successful. And Im doing it right now. I am not sure what is different this time around, I am not sure if I just stopped with the excuses and embraced that this journey will be hard. I take my current success hugely due to weight watchers. I've shared this before I believe, but when I was in high school, I had an eating disorder. Eating disorders run in my family due to the negative body image that many of the women in my family instilled. My grandmother would call someone fat in 2.2 seconds. She did it to my mom for years and she grew up with bouts of not eating. My sister was bulimic. My cousin who was a tennis star in Guyana and earned a scholarship to Georgia State was also a full blown bulimic. I personally suffered from Anorexia and would try and eat below 300 calories a day. I counted calories psychotically my senior year of high school, pretty much until my second year in college. I am definitely removed from that former life, however, I do my best to stay mentally healthy now while I go on this journey of weight loss. I love weight watchers because I get away from the trigger of counting calories. I get to count points. And points are so much friendlier than calories in my opinion :). I also do not keep a scale in my home. I purposely chose to go elsewhere to weigh. I use to weigh in the mornings, after having a laxative, after running 5 miles, after dinner. Just constantly weighing! I don't want to go back to that. I don't want my home to be a torturous weight place. And lastly I don't weigh in if I don't feel comfortable doing so. Despite being away from the eating disordered world, the mentality can linger a little bit. If I gain a week, I feel REALLY bummed. I don't stop eating like I did before, but I just feel really down on myself. My emotions can be linked to the number on the scale and I know that. And the guilt and the replaying what I did wrong that week, goes on in my head. I didn't weigh in on Thanksgiving because I REALLY enjoyed my time with my mom that week. I enjoyed eating french toast, biscuits, sausage, eggs, and hashbrowns for breakfast. I loved eating a massive slice of sweet potato pecan pie with ice cream on top with my mom after dinner. I loved fixing my plate with whatever I wanted. And I didn't want to weigh and regret any decision or part of the week that was so beautiful. I wont let myself get to that place. I just got back on the wagon and kept moving. And it paid off. My next big event is a Christmas party December 15 with my hubby and friend Danielle. And my hubby and I are taking it as a staycation opportunity. We will wake up the next day and eat a delicious gluttonous breakfast. And I will enjoy every moment :). Will I weigh in the next Tuesday... ehh, maybe, maybe not. But Im not going to stress about it. I am going to enjoy life. I want to enjoy every moment of this beautiful blessed life. Until the 15th, i will be working hard in the gym. Working hard so i can play hard. My goal for the party is 182 lbs. I think I am going to reach my goal :). I can't believe I am 4.6 lbs away from the 70s. WOW. 179 is my goal for New Years Eve. LETS GET IT!!!Jenniferhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06373180318642098124noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7993992162298430439.post-1325816521812034052012-11-28T14:56:00.001-05:002012-11-28T14:56:31.128-05:00Just an updateHeeeeyyyyy!<br />
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So clearly, my nursing school, work, mommy, wife, and gym schedule has left little time for me to blog but I will do a quick catch up of my life. lol. Thanksgiving, TWO THUMBS UP! Man I love my Mom. It was so awesome heading down to Savannah to spend time with her. Everytime I go, it makes me want to take another trip down as soon as possible. The great part is that in less than a month, she will be up for Christmas and Jonathan will get to have more time with his Gramma. Speaking of my little man Jonathan, he is just awesome. I can't get over how much I love that kid. He is amazing. Honestly and truly, just a complete joy of a son. I love him so much and as he grows, he is just becoming more and more funny and full of life. He definitely has his mommys stubborness, but he is truly a good kid. Truly truly a great kid, and he is my pride and joy. My hubs... just my whole heart. I don't talk about him often because this journal is mostly about me and my weight struggles, but the way that man loves me. You know, I feel bad when people are all like "ooh! Marriage is WORK! It is HARD!" ...because I know it takes works I suppose but... well, ours is just so easy. Now keep in mind we only have been married for 3.5 years so I know we have many many years of trials and tribulations that will test us, but right now, God has been so good to us.I mean, we just love eachother, and that love makes things easy. It just really does. It is so easy to love that man. And he tells me every single day how he feels about me. Every. Single. Day. And as I lose weight and I start loving MYSELF, its easier to love him more. We were just talking about that in the kitchen yesterday. He was talking about how proud he is of me and my weight loss and how I've truly been kicking butt and have this determination. I was telling him how I am working hard to be that hot milf/trophy wife for him and he took my face in his hands and said, "you have ALWAYS been that. I've ALWAYS thought you were the most beautiful woman in this world, so you lose this weight for you. Not me. I love you losing this weight because of how YOU are feeling. The glow and confidence you now have, but other than that, you have always been gorgeous in my eyes." Um yea...you already know he got some for that. lol. But I just love him for supporting me and while I still have so much more progress to make, Im working at it.<br />
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So speaking of progress, I have no idea what my weight is right now. I weighed tuesday before Thanksgiving and I was still at 188. I won't lie, I was a little pissed but I didn't do the best i could in food or exercise I suppose. I refused to weigh in yesterday because quite frankly, I stuffed my flippin face while down at my moms and just needed a week off. SO since Sunday, I have been in BEAST MODE. Really working hard. It could also have something to do with the fact I went dress shopping for a Christmas Party my friend Danielle and I are going to with our hubbies December 15th (YAY) and I picked out a dress that was TIGGHHTT! Now, I did go up a size to accommodate for my massive boobs, but if I gain weight and the fit is off, I will look less on the classier side. The dress is great though, length is at the knees and its definitely glitzy for the holiday. I just want to look my best in it. Especially since it is my only option dress. I found nothing else I really loved when i went shopping and I just got annoyed. So I am hoping when it comes in this week, it looks as good as I imagined in my head. I REALLY hope so. So the dress will be in today. We shall see if it fits okay!<br />
I have been getting several compliments lately that people are FINALLY noticing I lost weight! I had three compliments this morning alone and several yesterday in class. I will say that I have changed my routine these last two weeks. I had only been running on the treadmill but knowing I need to push and challenge myself for more weight loss, I've finally added weight training to my workout. Shouldve done it a long time ago, but I will admit i was lazy. So anyways, my arms are actually getting smaller and my butt and legs are toning up, although I will say running got my butt back to sitting higher up! My hubs can't keep his hands off of it. I really can't wait be in the 30 lb loss number. I know I am close and that is my goal for this Tuesday. I REALLY would LOVE to see that scale say 184. OH MAN... it makes me salivate just looking at that number. I know it requires me to remain disciplined this week. i KNOW that. I have a weekend full of temptations. I have a favorite things party on friday which I just found out will have delectable pizza and cheesecake bites. Then I have a LONG ASS clinical day on Saturday with my biggest temptation ever... don't laugh but... SALTINE FRICKIN CRACKERS!!! OMMMMGGG!!!!! And these damn saltines are DELICIOUS. I mean, I don't know if they put a little extra salt or what on it but I GO TO TOWN. And it bloats me up and I know it isnt smart, but I just can't help myself sometimes. I get crazy over it... sigh. so yeah, saltines is my nemesis. Anyways, Tuesday is my weigh in. I will post my progress then. Hopefully I will see my 184. that is what I am aiming and working so hard for. thirty lbs... 30. POUNDS...Jenniferhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06373180318642098124noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7993992162298430439.post-81853295961530336552012-11-15T11:01:00.003-05:002012-11-15T11:01:46.166-05:00Excuses...<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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<br />Jenniferhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06373180318642098124noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7993992162298430439.post-56625073683224854602012-11-13T10:57:00.004-05:002012-11-13T10:57:48.949-05:00Vacation, Hurricane, Weigh In-- OH MY!*hi*<div>
Um yeah, I know I have been completely MIA and I feel bad because I am just now trying to catch up with everyone. First of all, my family went to vacation to New York the week of October 23rd. Well, our flight home was suppose to be October 28th, but as you already know, that did NOT happen. We were stuck in New York until Thursday night and didnt get in our beds until 2am on that Friday. Despite my school and work suffering, we truly had a great time and I am grateful we had the opportunity to see everyone. With that being said, I ate like a frickin sumo wrestler! Ooohhhh man, and it was delicious. but by the end of two weeks, the pants I wore on the flight definitely felt a little snugger than normal and the shirt I put on before that looked super flattering, started not to look that great. My cousin had a scale but I was terrified to get on it. I would stare at it literally everyday. It was mocking me...it knew I didn't have the courage to face the truth and it was right. I didn't. When i got back from New York, it was hard to get back in focus with eating. In fact, I resorted back to my "I'll start on Monday" mentality. I ate Pollo Tropical Friday night and pizza on Saturday night. But when Monday came along, I went balls to the wall. I knew I didn't have the courage to weigh in that week. Although I knew that is what I SHOULD do, I know myself. I know my mind. I knew if I saw the truth on that scale, I would feel discouraged. I would feel angry. And I wanted to be motivated. I decided to forego one week and just work my ass off. And work my ass off I did. I ran EVERY. SINGLE.DAY. Two miles, three miles, three and a half miles. I ran until my shin splints screamed and still ran. I went back every single day, even Saturday and Sunday. Despite lack of sleep, despite any other excuse I could think of.I ran and ran and ran. I weighed in today and...not only did I lose the unspecified NY weight, but I lost 1.2 lbs on top of that... I AM IN THE FRICKING 180s!!!! I cant believe I AM IN THE 180s!!!! Oh man, I am so excited. I could jump up and down I am so excited. I want to scream it from the rooftops. I know I still have a long ways to go. I know I can't get comfortable now, especially with Thanksgiving coming up. IN fact, this is the time I need to kick it into high gear in order to make up for the gluttonous feast I plan on partaking in. Also, I have family pictures next week and it would be great to look my absolute best for this! If I could get down to 186, the weight I was when I got married, that would be an accomplishment in my book :). I plan on going to watch Twilight Friday with a friend Friday afternoon and then going out on Friday night so I am going to have to be strong and make some positive choices. I hope I can do it...EEK! Better start researching WW points now... GOOD LUCK TO EVERYONE AS THEY CONTINUE ON THEIR JOURNEY!! WE CAN DO THIS!! WE CAN!!</div>
Jenniferhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06373180318642098124noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7993992162298430439.post-24073026995606027802012-10-17T13:52:00.003-04:002012-10-17T13:52:38.173-04:00Weigh In Wednesday...I. frickin fracking did it. I DID IT!! did what? Well, just did a slew of things that I never thought I would accomplish. First of all, I did the mud run as you guys saw from the picture. I am hella proud of me and my partner in crime. We worked our ass off and it was no small feat. WE DID IT! After the mudrun though, i started to feel feverish. The next day, I went to the doctor with a temp of 102.4 and feeling a complete wreck. After a chest xray, a breathing treatment, shot in the ass, a pharmacy of drugs, I left with a diagnosis of bronchitis and a sinus infection. So happy I went because it truly helped me. Anyways, my appetite was very little so both days I had pretty much a banana, breakfast bar, chick fila bowl of soup, some saltine crackers and a little bit of dinner (chicken and spinach). Not much at all but I was forcing myself to eat even the above. I LOST 5 LBS THIS WEEK!!! It helps burning calories coughing so hard that your abs are actually sore (and I have been purposely flexing them in preparation of a cough everytime as well...hey you might as well fit it in somehow since I didn't have energy for cardio). Anyways, the 5lbs got me to 190 lbs on the scale. PROUD DOESN'T BEGIN TO SAY HOW I FEEL. I AM 190 LBS! I LOST 10% OF MY BODY WEIGHT!!! I AM ONE POUND FROM THE 180s! I AM ONE POUND FROM THE 180s!!!!! I AM ONLY 5 lBS FROM 185, the weight I was when I got married! ONe of the last times I felt beautiful (well not counting pregnancy because I felt sexy pregnant. LOVED my buddha belly!). 5 lbs away. I have lost a total of 24.6 LBS. I am 5.4 lbs away from losing 30 lbs. I am just happy ya'll. And Im proud of me. I can't even lie, i definitely celebrated with a bread bowl of chili for lunch...and MAN it was delicious. I AM STUFFED! But every wednesday, I have me a cheat meal. I don't have cheat days, I have a cheat meal. And in my cheat meal, I refused the cheese in my chili...yes, I put sour cream, but its better than cheese, right :) ? Baby steps. And instead of a dessert, I had a fresh fruit salad from the salad bar. But anyways, I got me a long way to go right now. My goal is still 170. At least for right now. I will see how I feel at that weight before saying I want to be less than that. But it actually feels as though my goal is attainable. I feel like I can reach it. I hope all of my weight loss friends out there are doing well. Its a struggle, for sure, but we can do it. We need to remain accountable, ask ourselves before we eat something if this will take us closer or farther from our weight loss goal. I use to wish myself skinny. Now I am fighting tooth and nail to be healthier. Wishing will get me no where. Not making changes or making excuses for myself and "hoping" the scale will move down is just unrealistic. Not pushing myself physically and expecting to see my body change is being delusional. I have to keep doing what I am doing. I have to work. I have to PUSH. I have to want being healthier more than I want a bad food choice. And its not easy. And I am not perfect, and some days, I just fail miserably. But I do my best to make up for it now, and make it a reason to make better choices the next meal, or push harder in my workout. Anyways, I am feeling PROUD PROUD PROUD! HOW ARE YOU GUYS DOING!?Jenniferhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06373180318642098124noreply@blogger.com7tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7993992162298430439.post-8399698464799809002012-10-14T23:54:00.002-04:002012-10-14T23:54:51.474-04:00OPERATION 5K--- COMPLETE!<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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We did it!! Danielle and I did it!!!!Jenniferhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06373180318642098124noreply@blogger.com7tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7993992162298430439.post-79754701989598482772012-10-10T11:48:00.002-04:002012-10-10T11:48:54.184-04:00No surpriseI am up. And I knew I would be. I gained one pound this week and I know what caused it. First of all, I didn't work out for one week. I had a medical issue that caused me to go to the ER on Saturday (not serious, just embarrassing). I have been told not to run. Well, without me running, my mouth was left idle. I bought baked lays for my husband and ate almost a half of a bag a couple nights before bed. I literally, COULD NOT STOP. I know that the saltiness plus the high glycemic index of those chips did me in the moment I licked my last finger. I am back in serious control of my weight right now. I don't care what the doc says, I will be back working out. My race in literally in a few days and by Sunday, i want to be down that pound. My goal for weigh in next week is three pounds. I know I got this. I am bummed because I was only one pound away from my 10% goal and I ruined it, but I will get it back. Im so close to my goals I can feel it and I won't let a bad week deter me.Jenniferhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06373180318642098124noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7993992162298430439.post-85477999168567232442012-10-03T12:08:00.001-04:002012-10-04T22:03:17.844-04:00The weigh in....Man, I have really been sucking at updating and this blog will be pretty short. I had a crappy eating weekend. On Friday I went on a date with my hubby and I had a margarita, a half of a philly cheesesteak and fries for dinner. Then on Saturday I went out with my FABULOUS friend Charlie who was in from out of town and I had two glasses of wine, a few nibbles of fried shrimp appetizers, 2 chicken wings in blue cheese dressing, a half of a turkey burger ( I literally cut it in half before I ate it and only ate half) and a serving of fried okra. Oh yeah, i went in... But I will tell you what I did right this weekend. Those two dinners were the only bad blemishes in my day. I made sure my breakfast, lunch, and snacks were on point. I ran 3.1 miles on Friday, 3.1 miles on Sunday, 2.4 miles on Monday, and 3.1 miles on Tuesday. Yes, I ran my frickin ass off. I was desperately trying to make up for the weekend as well as train for the 5K race me and my girl Danielle are running October 14th. Literally a week and a half away. I also made sure that I kept my diet on point the rest of the week. I ate well. So after my 3.1 mile run yesterday (which I did in just over 36 mins...not too shabby for a big girl) I was sweating PROFUSELY. I mean it was pouring even after I was running. MY FAT WAS BAWLING!!! I pushed it hard and it didn't like it. I knew I was going to lose something this week. Didnt know what it was going to be, but I knew it was going to be something. Even though I ate badly this weekend, I knew I made up for it. I fought for it. And... I LOST THREE LBS! I am now at 194 lbs with a total weight loss of 20.6 lbs. I am in the 20s. I AM IN THE 20s!!!! I worked my butt off and it truly made a difference! I am only ONE POUND away from my 10% goal. ONE POUND. that target seemed so far fetched when I first signed up for weight watchers and I am just really happy and proud of my dedication. It hasn't been easy. My shin splints hurt like all hell, Ive tasted every possible SmartOnes cuisine made, its been more expensive to buy fresh shrimp, and salmon, and tilapia, and chicken every single week, as well as those KIND bars that are SO FLIPPING GOOD but cost like $1.25 EACH. It sucks buying fresh fruit every few days because it goes bad so quickly and it stinks sometimes having to make sure I am preparing all of my dinners at home because popping in a stouffers lasagna just isn't the most healthful option but I've been doing it. And this part feels good. The results feel good. I still have SO MUCH MORE to go. I mean so much more. I tried on an outfit this weekend that was a size smaller than I wore before but it still just didn't look good on my bootydo (my affectionate name for my big flappy belly). 194 lbs is far from svelte and I know that but I am looking better. I am having people take notice and in order to get to 174, I have to be at 194. I'm halfway there. I am frickin halfway there and this halfway doesnt feel half as impossible as the first day I walked into weightwatchers. What this has done is given me even more hope and focus. So anyways, I'm proud of me. I'm excited about my progress and I will continue to keep forging forward. I CAN DO THIS!!!!!!!!<br />
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<br />Jenniferhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06373180318642098124noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7993992162298430439.post-74412840076748690822012-09-26T12:26:00.000-04:002012-09-26T12:26:40.345-04:00I am down...I am down. But this week, I don't mean my mood... I MEAN MY WEIGHT!! I AM DOWN!!!!!! WAHOOO!!!!!! I weighed in this morning (changed my weigh in day to Wednesday) and I am down 2.8 lbs, for a total loss of 17.6 lbs. I've lost 17.6 lbs. Wow. That feels really awesome to say. I can't wait until I can say 30 lbs or 40 lbs, but right now, 17.6 lbs really feels good. For the last two weeks, I haven't tracked anything. I have kept up my SmartOnes lunches and pretty much have the same exact breakfast every fricking day, a Kashi cereal bar and a banana. But since I gained that pound two weeks ago and started to feel bummed about it, I just kind of ate a little bit more freely. Like I stated before, I've been eating white rice. Basmati white rice to be exact. It was one of my big middle finger up to my weight gain two weeks ago. I didn't want to screw up royally and go through the drive thru, but I wanted to indulge. I decided I'm eating my damn white rice. And oh man... it was sooo good. Even in my revolt, I made sure to portion out everything. One cup, nothing more. I also had pizza this weekend. So anyway, Im on a new kick, I have a new found motivation but now I am not going to be as psycho. I am going to be healthy and disciplined. I am only 2.4 lbs from 20 lbs loss!! I CAN DO THIS!!!Jenniferhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06373180318642098124noreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7993992162298430439.post-20238661725632676392012-09-20T21:32:00.002-04:002012-09-20T21:32:18.077-04:00Um...Hi... I'm back :)Soooo its been a long time since my last breakdown post from the day I went AWOL because I gained one pound for the week. Since then I have been downing about a bag of cough drops every other day, drinking Nyquil by the bottle, and not working out at all. I was SICK! I mean run me over, I may have pneumonia SICK! And honestly I do feel as though I had either walking pneumonia or a bronchitis because that cough was just ridiculous. But I was too stressed and busy to go to the damn doctor and too behind work to take off. So I went, despite people looking at me like I had the plague. But like I said, I didn't work out. Honestly, I dind't work out for almost two weeks. yes, that bad and that sad. And it wasn't just because I was sick, I was just tired. and overwhelmed. And I hated I started to get psycho with my weight loss again. I hated that I hated myself for gaining that one pound. Not hated, but was very disappointed. So I took a break. No, I didn't eat whatever I wanted, for the most part kept it healthy except for one eff it moment I had at the county fair last Sunday. Yeah. bad. BUT that was my only REAL slip up. I stayed pretty much on my diet, just not as disciplined as before. I had *gasp* white rice for dinner more than once. In fact, I'm having it again tonight with baked chicken and spinach. And yes, i am measuring my portion out to ensure I am having a serving. But I am living a little. And truth is, I feel like I'm actually a bit smaller. Now, I don't KNOW because I refused to weigh in this week. Nervous of what the scale said, i just didn't do it. The fact was, i started to FEEL better. I started to think I actually LOOKED better, and I even thought some of my clothes were ACTUALLY LOOSER than before. And I didn't want the scale to dictate what I felt about myself this week. Yes, I will weigh in next Wednesday, but this week, i was feeling GOOD about myself. Really liking how I was looking. And feeling more confident. But that isn't an excuse to get lazy and today I went for a great workout with my partner in crime Danielle. I love how we motivate eachother to be our best. We did 2.25 miles and it felt great. It was horrific but great. I cursed several times along the course, but I felt proud to get back out there again. I will be back on the weight loss wagon. I hope my couple weeks off didn't cause too much damage. If I see a 2 in front of that scale, I will be devastated. But today I am happy with me. I am happy that I went to target today and got Medium workout pants. Of course they are workout pants so they have stretch but still, they are super comfortable and I love that little M. My top is an XL but hey, we are working on that :). I have so much catching up to do blog-wise. Sorry I went AWOL and totally abandoned my weightloss blogger friends. But Im back. And Im ready :)Jenniferhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06373180318642098124noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7993992162298430439.post-4163566441818379492012-09-11T10:19:00.001-04:002012-09-11T10:19:50.247-04:00Im up<div><p>I am up a lb. I want to cry. Like seriously cry. Its disappointing. Very disappointing. I hate my mood being equated by the scale. But it is and I'm upset. </p>
</div>Jenniferhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06373180318642098124noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7993992162298430439.post-75237980345441006562012-09-10T20:29:00.003-04:002012-09-10T20:29:47.636-04:00Tired doesn't even BEGIN to explain my current statusOh man, what a day. Last night, Jonathan was hit by an UGLY stomach virus. He was vomiting every couple of hours and it was heinous. On about three hours of sleep, I had to go to my clinical this morning and I was DRAGGING. Thank GOODNESS I find Women's Health interesting. Felt my first uterus and got to see adorable little babies. Also saw where they do circumcisions. Man...its barbaric. My son has one and if I had another boy, Id want him to be circumcised too but sheesh, I wish there was an easier way. Anyways, my son is appearing to be feeling better even though he is still refusing to eat ANYTHING. I can't handle another night like last night so i am REALLY hoping this virus has run its course. With that being said, I am sick. Coughing up a lung sick. I just want to lie in bed and hibernate until tomorrow. I will gladly take a shot of Nyquil and call it in VERY early. <br />
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Survived a day of Bagel temptation today. Someone brought Einstein bagels and cream cheese to the nursing station. I swear, before my diet, I've never had so much opportunity for free food. Now that I am restricting EVERYONE in my universe is more than generous fatty yumminess. Working on the floor so early truly makes you hungry. I brought an extr snack and made it until lunch. Yesterday I did pretty well. I made a chicken fried quinoa. It was alright, I did my own recipe and so next time I will follow the one on Skinnytaste. But it was low in points and filling. I'm extremely nervous about weigh in tomorrow. I'm debating whether or not to even go. I haven't worked out since Friday and last week I only did three weeks. I usually do low carb dinners at least twice a week, not this week. And I definitely took in more calories as a whole. The math just isn't looking well for my side and I'm very nervous. If I am in the 200s I will be extremely disappointed in myself. Guess we will see, wont we...<br />
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<br />Jenniferhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06373180318642098124noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7993992162298430439.post-82404765326941410682012-09-09T23:29:00.001-04:002012-09-09T23:29:20.527-04:00No good day...Not much to say today. Diet was good. Bombed my effin Pediatric test. First one and I failed it with a 72. Passing is 75. I want to cry. Bawl actually. Jonathan was acting sick. Took him to the doc, he isn't REALLY sick. Allergies, maybe virus. Which I think the doctor was giving me as a code for, nothing. especially since he went in like he was the healthiest most active child in the world when at the house he was a hot mess. Sigh. Anyways, diet was good. Stayed on target for the most part. No low carb dinner. I am not feeling good about my weigh in Tuesday. Im just pissy all around. Anyway, got to wake up in 6 hours for my clinicals. Goody.<br />
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Jenniferhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06373180318642098124noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7993992162298430439.post-52105907004185076542012-09-08T19:16:00.002-04:002012-09-08T19:16:55.544-04:00Jennifer- 1 Temptation- 0<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">Oh yeahhhhhh! Survived a huge birthday party for a one year old today. The party of course was great but the food is something that always has me a bit worried. I made the conscious choice of eating prior to getting to the party. I literally popped a SmartOnes in the microwave and travelled down the road making sure it was completely devoured before I stepped foot into the house. Doing that helped me survive the most delicious looking macaroni and cheese, mashed potatoes, chicken nuggets, and CUPCAKES GALORE! I had... NOT ONE BITE. Of anything. I made sure to feed my son and just keep my mouth shut. I raced home in order to have some of my delicious dinner from last night, <span style="background-color: white; color: #333333;">Red Thai Coconut Curry Shrimp and Quinoa. For those of you who have not looked on the website, Skinnytaste.com GO NOW. Like RIGHT NOW!!! I'll wait... because seriously, everything Ive eaten from that site has been absolutely delicious and I think its one of the very few reasons for my dieting success thus far. </span></span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><span style="background-color: white; color: #333333;">Anyways, I have so much studying to do tonight its ridiculous. Like seriously ridiculous. I am praying I can pull this test off tomorrow. Sigh. MAKE HEALTHY CHOICES EVERYONE! I know the weekend is the time that its sooo easy to falter, but don't let yourself. Keep your eyes on the prize :)</span></span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><span style="background-color: white; color: #333333;"><br /></span></span>Jenniferhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06373180318642098124noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7993992162298430439.post-84240846344154552082012-09-07T15:20:00.001-04:002012-09-07T15:20:33.405-04:00Cursed through every step of my 2 mile cardio<div><p>But I did it </p>
<br/><img src='https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjEMhIELBZA23jNKjT_DJnt9UdreyN5jqDg4mMujNdjFQD2-tvMCDuasaLQvkNqIbr-Yl6pHkR8psA6N8McaPs9BgwLJQWOyWLCEICCMVyhxsfQPeRbiRvPTUmhAX6ndLPp6_jcnr2bo40/' /></div>Jenniferhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06373180318642098124noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7993992162298430439.post-21068082001584648742012-09-07T13:12:00.000-04:002012-09-07T13:12:01.792-04:00Jumping back on the bandwagonFirst of all, I just want to say how grateful I am to have a support system. I honestly feel if I didn't have this blog, my emergency text weight loss sponsors Shanna and Danielle, FB Group Mama Laughlin, and my incredible family, it would be easy to fail. With all those people holding me accountable and helping me along the way, it makes things so much easier. Well, not easier, but it makes it harder to quit. Harder to let go. With school in full force, Im just beyond stressed. OB and Pediatrics are kicking my ass. And I use to stress eat during school. Now I don't have that and its making me freak a little bit. I need to go to the gym instead and really do things that uplift me and not use food as a crutch. I am so motivated by so many people who have lost the weight. And I know with everyone who has lost weight, they had weeks like I am having. Good weeks, bad weeks. Weeks they feel like giving the hell up. But I can't. i won't. I need to take it day by day and just really celebrate my accomplishments.<br />
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Anyways, yesterday, even with the rice cake binge, I was two points under. I ended up having a SmartOnes for dinner again too, SO I am probably retaining and insane amount of water right now. I need to get some of that natural tea I spoke about in the previous post to help alleviate that. I am going to work out today before studying and be as productive as possible. Here is my food journal:<br />
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<br />Jenniferhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06373180318642098124noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7993992162298430439.post-36778749011801196312012-09-06T21:21:00.002-04:002012-09-06T21:21:19.931-04:00It is happening...I am getting stressed and frustrated and losing my mojo. Actually, its my frustration at losing only 1.8 lbs. This happens to me in my prior diets. I work and work and work and then I get a loss I am not happy with. Then I want to say well F*(k IT!! and I am trying not to be that way. in fact, most of my indulgences are with healthy food but its not in the plan. And if I am in the twos next week, I know I will be devastated that I allowed myself to slip back down. I need to get myself together and stop sabotaging myself. sigh.<br />
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Just had to vent.Jenniferhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06373180318642098124noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7993992162298430439.post-33338351398792969802012-09-06T11:25:00.000-04:002012-09-06T13:20:37.236-04:00Confession timeSo its Thursday and I only worked out once this week. Tuesday and Wednesday was a shot day. I was helping out a friend on Tuesday night and then on Wednesday after my psychiatric clinicals, I was just too tired. Uber tired. And feeling lazy. I didnt even blog, well except for my dinner last night, which was a step above dinner on Tuesday night. I made the mistake on Monday of buying hummus and now I've become obsessed, which wouldn't be so bad if the carb-o-holic in me that I am trying to reform didn't take over my body and have me consuming almost three servings of pita chips Tuesday night. So that was my dinner and while I stayed under points, I am not sure if nutritionally it was the smartest of choices. So I am dedicating myself into getting back on the boat and being disciplined in my workout for the rest of the week and also keeping my diet in check. I told myself if I want hummus from now on, I will be eating it with celery. So here are my two days food tracker.<br />
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As you can see, my diet on Tuesday sucked. On Wednesday during clinical, I was SO exhausted that I had to get a coffee. I was falling asleep during counseling group session. If someone is pouring out their emotions about how isolated and disconnected they feel from the world, you don't want to be the one snoring in the back. So it was a do or die situation. </div>
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I am hoping to keep on this weight loss direction. I can't wait for the day my clothes are too big for me. Thing is, I was in such weight denial that I kept all of my clothes from before, even as I was gaining weight. My work skirts for example, were so tight that I wore it all the way at my waist, like way above my belly button so i could actually button it. So the below the knee skirts actually looked like just above the knee skirts. My pants would be so tight at the waist, Id have an indention in my skin and would have to undo it to sit down. but I refused to buy new clothes in a size 16 or *gasp* larger than that, which i suspect in some things, I really was. So I lived in a delusional state of extremely tight size 14 clothes that were starting to look very tattered. Oh, and instead of buying pants, I wore leggings constantly. That way, i could just be a size large. And, they are SUPPOSE to be tight, so they comforted my ever failing self esteem. Soooo, my clothes aren't falling off, BUT they are fitting where they are suppose to be right now and that feels awesome :). Also my husband can't keep his hands off me!! well okay, he always couldn't keep his hands off me but its been to the extreme. He almost cupped my butt in church. I am like "CHRIS! COME ON!!!!" lol. And everyday he sees me, he is just like "man baby, you are looking GOOD! you are sooo fine! WOW! I can DEFINITELY see all your hard work! You are doing it girl!" and it makes me feel really good. He has never made me feel any less than beautiful EVER but to know that he can see the effort I am putting in and loving it, it just makes me feel like his trophy wife or something. And I want him to always be proud of the way I look and the way I carry myself. I want him to always steal glances at my butt, and despite the church butt grab, I secretly love that he can't help himself. Every wife should want to be their husbands fantasy. As I get closer to my goal weight, i would love to do a sexy photo shoot. I want to wear something I've always felt too big to wear in my shoot: garter belts and thigh high fish nets. YUP, that is definitely my goal weight prize :). </div>
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Hope everyone is having a healthy week. I will now start lurking the Blogger pages of all my followers and those i follow!</div>
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<br />Jenniferhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06373180318642098124noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7993992162298430439.post-40308179549743257392012-09-05T19:40:00.001-04:002012-09-05T19:40:43.027-04:00Dinner <div><p>A pretty large hunk of chicken on a bed of spinach and a little Quinoa. I'm hungry... <br>
(That is a small salad plate though)</p>
<br/><img src='https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjNLxKlKCCOmgZul0BTBrY7-QDibJ5cXY8M9p8I0UVouxCyQvq0CPOsPvWKc3thQTS_JH2OnqwTAFYNo4ZeWCq3oQO1NCRb4eXHv8yesBS0Q2FaT63irPV6Ne0HznwZBFhD9BvGZdqKfp4/' /></div>Jenniferhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06373180318642098124noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7993992162298430439.post-88983581502772793322012-09-04T13:36:00.001-04:002012-09-04T14:11:01.920-04:004th week Weight Watchers weigh in and yup...Im mad.Sigh. Okay, I am mad. Yes, I know I am always mad. I am pretty sure that unless the scale says I lost a ridiculous amount of weight that week, Im always going to be slightly annoyed, so I apologize in advance. But yes, Im mad. And Im only mad because I feel as though I did so much better than the loss I got. I mean all that running, and refraining, and discipline to lose... 1.8 pounds. Yup, thats all. Have you SEEN what I ate all week. Have you SEEN how many times I ran my ass off. And yes, 1 POINT 8 MUTHAFRICKIN POUNDS. HUH!?! Ughhhhhh!!!!!!!! Im pissy right now. I know I shouldn't be, but I am. Anyways, so the first month weight loss on weight watchers is.... 15.8 lbs. My weight right now is <b><span style="font-size: large;">198.8 lbs</span></b>. I will say, HELLLOOOOOOO 100's!!! Wahooo!!!! Not too shabby. the huge first week helped me out. My goal is 9 lbs for the month of September. In fact, I will make it 9.2 lbs. I want to go ahead and get a 25 lbs loss. I know Its ambitious. I know its hard. I know some may say a little impossible but I am thinking I can do it. I KNOW I can do it. Looks like some more cardio, or maybe increasing my days to 5 days a week... which I was suppose to do a long time ago and didnt. Food wise, I need to change some things up. I need to add some more protein during the morning. Maybe i will make an omelet or protein shake. I feel like I am missing something out of my routine. This is a super tough week for me. I have another nursing exam this week. Last week I had an OB exam and this week it is Pediatrics. I haven't read at all for my Pediatrics. I truly have tons to catch up on! the book is SOOOO dry and the pages are as thin as bible pages. I think its written on gift tissue paper. Plus I have work, which i am missing tons of. Man oh man. Just trying to stay afloat. Pray for me.<br />
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Anyways, my mom just left after a 3 night visit. I loved having her over and Jonathan just absolutely loved having his grandmother at the house. It truly makes me wish she lived closer. I miss her so much. I can't wait for the holidays when I can see her again! I am so grateful to have her in my life and Jonathan is beyond blessed to have her as a "Grammaw". I wish I could win the lotto and just spoil my parents to pieces. They are just selfless and I love them so much. Hubby, My mom, Jonathan, and I went over to Danielle's yesterday as a labor day potluck and we had SO MUCH FUN! Everyone just talked and talked and talked and I can't wait for Chris and I can take Danielle's family down to Savannah for a long weekend sometime soon. With everyone's schedule, its so crazy getting the time but we will make it happen.<br />
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Anyways, here is my eating yesterday. I was very under in points because I saved my appetitie for dinner just in case and ended up doing great. I will do better this week.<br />
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEizdg0POckQAdhAEohHB2rcxq3N_QnN0XHAkFQj051N_y5dav1Y0-0-PzsmBl6vbBW6PXClKwvYwFue0Y3vf0_-NqsFLrS4V3V_p2dh8JJjA5pBPX5gOPO_zCKodEtrer5UJcdiw74pVaM/s1600/Sept3.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="400" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEizdg0POckQAdhAEohHB2rcxq3N_QnN0XHAkFQj051N_y5dav1Y0-0-PzsmBl6vbBW6PXClKwvYwFue0Y3vf0_-NqsFLrS4V3V_p2dh8JJjA5pBPX5gOPO_zCKodEtrer5UJcdiw74pVaM/s400/Sept3.JPG" width="273" /></a></div>
<br />Jenniferhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06373180318642098124noreply@blogger.com6tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7993992162298430439.post-83840576787131693822012-09-03T21:44:00.001-04:002012-09-03T21:44:35.343-04:00Busy, busy, busyI feel like holiday season came and went so quickly and that I haven't done a great job of blogging since Friday. I truly enjoyed my weekend! Besides feeling great about reaching a personal goal on the treadmill, I managed to eat really well these past couple of days. Yesterday we went to Golden Corral after church. Typically, a trip to Golden Corral would entail me consuming large quantities of macaroni cheese, mashed potatoes, corn, fried okra, hot buttered rolls and dessert. Well I shaved that down CONSIDERABLY and left feeling only satisfied, not stuffed and full...which lets be real, is the only reason you go to a buffet, right? Ugh, I was robbed. People should be charged a diet fee. lol.<br />
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEimX8MXry5UUNKSRV05BgGK1uZ20rNTzkfoN3C4JS5-AgQFXuyIR_OYoynBD9eN5ZELVA_42kp5pNqegNI9XgOnPk-x0nDMnOXTVg6yWE4HPPYTcWSytO1F9OkNRkMX9OvIRmjaqHJbaME/s1600/sept2.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="400" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEimX8MXry5UUNKSRV05BgGK1uZ20rNTzkfoN3C4JS5-AgQFXuyIR_OYoynBD9eN5ZELVA_42kp5pNqegNI9XgOnPk-x0nDMnOXTVg6yWE4HPPYTcWSytO1F9OkNRkMX9OvIRmjaqHJbaME/s400/sept2.JPG" width="263" /></a></div>
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Anyways, I have to study so I will have to write something more substantial during lecture tomorrow. Make great choices everyone!! WEIGH IN TOMORROW! YIKES!!!</div>
<br />Jenniferhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06373180318642098124noreply@blogger.com2