Tuesday, December 4, 2012

Weigh in After two weeks...

Hello All-

So I had my weigh in today. I took off last week because the week before was Thanksgiving and I was just enjoying stuffing my face in Savannah a little too much. So, I got back on track, weighed in and... I am at 184.6. I have lost EXACTLY 30 lbs today. Wow. Im proud of myself. I just can't believe I've made it this far. Ive NEVER made it this far. I've started and stopped diets for literally over ten years. I've never been able to truly be successful. And Im doing it right now. I am not sure what is different this time around, I am not sure if I just stopped with the excuses and embraced that this journey will be hard. I take my current success hugely due to weight watchers. I've shared this before I believe, but when I was in high school, I had an eating disorder.  Eating disorders run in my family due to the negative body image that many of the women in my family instilled. My grandmother would call someone fat in 2.2 seconds. She did it to my mom for years and she grew up with bouts of not eating. My sister was bulimic. My cousin who was a tennis star in Guyana and earned a scholarship to Georgia State was also a full blown bulimic. I personally suffered from Anorexia and would try and eat below 300 calories a day. I counted calories psychotically my senior year of high school, pretty much until my second year in college. I am definitely removed from that former life, however, I do my best to stay mentally healthy now while I go on this journey of weight loss. I love weight watchers because I get away from the trigger of counting calories. I get to count points. And points are so much friendlier than calories in my opinion :). I also do not keep a scale in my home. I purposely chose to go elsewhere to weigh. I use to weigh in the mornings, after having a laxative, after running 5 miles, after dinner. Just constantly weighing! I don't want to go back to that. I don't want my home to be a torturous weight place. And lastly I don't weigh in if I don't feel comfortable doing so. Despite being away from the eating disordered world, the mentality can linger a little bit. If I gain a week, I feel REALLY bummed. I don't stop eating like I did before, but I just feel really down on myself. My emotions can be linked to the number on the scale and I know that. And the guilt and the replaying what I did wrong that week, goes on in my head. I didn't weigh in on Thanksgiving because I REALLY enjoyed my time with my mom that week. I enjoyed eating french toast, biscuits, sausage, eggs, and hashbrowns for breakfast. I loved eating a massive slice of sweet potato pecan pie with ice cream on top with my mom after dinner. I loved fixing my plate with whatever I wanted. And I didn't want to weigh and regret any decision or part of the week that was so beautiful. I wont let myself get to that place. I just got back on the wagon and kept moving. And it paid off. My next big event is a Christmas party December 15 with my hubby and friend Danielle. And my hubby and I are taking it as a staycation opportunity. We will wake up the next day and eat a delicious gluttonous breakfast.  And I will enjoy every moment :). Will I weigh in the next Tuesday... ehh, maybe, maybe not. But Im not going to stress about it. I am going to enjoy life. I want to enjoy every moment of this beautiful blessed life.  Until the 15th, i will be working hard in the gym. Working hard so i can play hard. My goal for the party is 182 lbs. I think I am going to reach my goal :). I can't believe I am 4.6 lbs away from the 70s. WOW. 179 is my goal for New Years Eve. LETS GET IT!!!

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