Friday, December 21, 2012

Bitchy things people say....

"OMG! Yeah girl, you see these pants...they are big and they are a size 4. I can't afford to lose any more weight. I use to be super thick, like you. Like super thick."

Thanks bitch.

Tuesday, December 4, 2012

Weigh in After two weeks...

Hello All-

So I had my weigh in today. I took off last week because the week before was Thanksgiving and I was just enjoying stuffing my face in Savannah a little too much. So, I got back on track, weighed in and... I am at 184.6. I have lost EXACTLY 30 lbs today. Wow. Im proud of myself. I just can't believe I've made it this far. Ive NEVER made it this far. I've started and stopped diets for literally over ten years. I've never been able to truly be successful. And Im doing it right now. I am not sure what is different this time around, I am not sure if I just stopped with the excuses and embraced that this journey will be hard. I take my current success hugely due to weight watchers. I've shared this before I believe, but when I was in high school, I had an eating disorder.  Eating disorders run in my family due to the negative body image that many of the women in my family instilled. My grandmother would call someone fat in 2.2 seconds. She did it to my mom for years and she grew up with bouts of not eating. My sister was bulimic. My cousin who was a tennis star in Guyana and earned a scholarship to Georgia State was also a full blown bulimic. I personally suffered from Anorexia and would try and eat below 300 calories a day. I counted calories psychotically my senior year of high school, pretty much until my second year in college. I am definitely removed from that former life, however, I do my best to stay mentally healthy now while I go on this journey of weight loss. I love weight watchers because I get away from the trigger of counting calories. I get to count points. And points are so much friendlier than calories in my opinion :). I also do not keep a scale in my home. I purposely chose to go elsewhere to weigh. I use to weigh in the mornings, after having a laxative, after running 5 miles, after dinner. Just constantly weighing! I don't want to go back to that. I don't want my home to be a torturous weight place. And lastly I don't weigh in if I don't feel comfortable doing so. Despite being away from the eating disordered world, the mentality can linger a little bit. If I gain a week, I feel REALLY bummed. I don't stop eating like I did before, but I just feel really down on myself. My emotions can be linked to the number on the scale and I know that. And the guilt and the replaying what I did wrong that week, goes on in my head. I didn't weigh in on Thanksgiving because I REALLY enjoyed my time with my mom that week. I enjoyed eating french toast, biscuits, sausage, eggs, and hashbrowns for breakfast. I loved eating a massive slice of sweet potato pecan pie with ice cream on top with my mom after dinner. I loved fixing my plate with whatever I wanted. And I didn't want to weigh and regret any decision or part of the week that was so beautiful. I wont let myself get to that place. I just got back on the wagon and kept moving. And it paid off. My next big event is a Christmas party December 15 with my hubby and friend Danielle. And my hubby and I are taking it as a staycation opportunity. We will wake up the next day and eat a delicious gluttonous breakfast.  And I will enjoy every moment :). Will I weigh in the next Tuesday... ehh, maybe, maybe not. But Im not going to stress about it. I am going to enjoy life. I want to enjoy every moment of this beautiful blessed life.  Until the 15th, i will be working hard in the gym. Working hard so i can play hard. My goal for the party is 182 lbs. I think I am going to reach my goal :). I can't believe I am 4.6 lbs away from the 70s. WOW. 179 is my goal for New Years Eve. LETS GET IT!!!

Wednesday, November 28, 2012

Just an update


So clearly, my nursing school, work, mommy, wife, and gym schedule has left little time for me to blog but I will do a quick catch up of my life. lol. Thanksgiving, TWO THUMBS UP! Man I love my Mom. It was so awesome heading down to Savannah to spend time with her. Everytime I go, it makes me want to take another trip down as soon as possible. The great part is that in less than a month, she will be up for Christmas and Jonathan will get to have more time with his Gramma. Speaking of my little man Jonathan, he is just awesome. I can't get over how much I love that kid. He is amazing. Honestly and truly, just a complete joy of a son. I love him so much and as he grows, he is just becoming more and more funny and full of life. He definitely has his mommys stubborness, but he is truly a good kid. Truly truly a great kid, and he is my pride and joy. My hubs... just my whole heart. I don't talk about him often because this journal is mostly about me and my weight struggles, but the way that man loves me. You know, I feel bad when people are all like "ooh! Marriage is WORK! It is HARD!" ...because I know it takes works I suppose but... well, ours is just so easy. Now keep in mind we only have been married for 3.5 years so I know we have many many years of trials and tribulations that will test us, but right now, God has been so good to us.I mean, we just love eachother, and that love makes things easy. It just really does. It is so easy to love that man. And he tells me every single day how he feels about me. Every. Single. Day. And as I lose weight and I start loving MYSELF, its easier to love him more. We were just talking about that in the kitchen yesterday. He was talking about how proud he is of me and my weight loss and how I've truly been kicking butt and have this determination. I was telling him how I am working hard to be that hot milf/trophy wife for him and he took my face in his hands and said, "you have ALWAYS been that. I've ALWAYS thought you were the most beautiful woman in this world, so you lose this weight for you. Not me. I love you losing this weight because of how YOU are feeling. The glow and confidence you now have, but other than that, you have always been gorgeous in my eyes." Um already know he got some for that. lol. But I just love him for supporting me and while I still have so much more progress to make, Im working at it.

So speaking of progress, I have no idea what my weight is right now. I weighed tuesday before Thanksgiving and I was still at 188. I won't lie, I was a little pissed but I didn't do the best i could in food or exercise I suppose. I refused to weigh in yesterday because quite frankly, I stuffed my flippin face while down at my moms and just needed a week off. SO since Sunday, I have been in BEAST MODE. Really working hard. It could also have something to do with the fact I went dress shopping for a Christmas Party my friend Danielle and I are going to with our hubbies December 15th (YAY) and I picked out a dress that was TIGGHHTT! Now, I did go up a size to accommodate for my massive boobs, but if I gain weight and the fit is off, I will look less on the classier side. The dress is great though, length is at the knees and its definitely glitzy for the holiday. I just want to look my best in it. Especially since it is my only option dress. I found nothing else I really loved when i went shopping and I just got annoyed. So I am hoping when it comes in this week, it looks as good as I imagined in my head. I REALLY hope so. So the dress will be in today. We shall see if it fits okay!
I have been getting several compliments lately that people are FINALLY noticing I lost weight! I had three compliments this morning alone and several yesterday in class. I will say that I have changed my routine these last two weeks. I had only been running on the treadmill but knowing I need to push and challenge myself for more weight loss, I've finally added weight training to my workout. Shouldve done it a long time ago, but I will admit i was lazy. So anyways, my arms are actually getting smaller and my butt and legs are toning up, although I will say running got my butt back to sitting higher up! My hubs can't keep his hands off of it. I really can't wait be in the 30 lb loss number. I know I am close and that is my goal for this Tuesday. I REALLY would LOVE to see that scale say 184. OH MAN... it makes me salivate just looking at that number. I know it requires me to remain disciplined this week. i KNOW that. I have a weekend full of temptations. I have a favorite things party on friday which I just found out will have delectable pizza and cheesecake bites. Then I have a LONG ASS clinical day on Saturday with my biggest temptation ever... don't laugh but... SALTINE FRICKIN CRACKERS!!! OMMMMGGG!!!!! And these damn saltines are DELICIOUS. I mean, I don't know if they put a little extra salt or what on it but I GO TO TOWN. And it bloats me up and I know it isnt smart, but I just can't help myself sometimes. I get crazy over it... sigh. so yeah, saltines is my nemesis. Anyways, Tuesday is my weigh in. I will post my progress then. Hopefully I will see my 184. that is what I am aiming and working so hard for. thirty lbs... 30. POUNDS...

Tuesday, November 13, 2012

Vacation, Hurricane, Weigh In-- OH MY!

Um yeah, I know I have been completely MIA and I feel bad because I am just now trying to catch up with everyone. First of all, my family went to vacation to New York the week of October 23rd. Well, our flight home was suppose to be October 28th, but as you already know, that did NOT happen. We were stuck in New York until Thursday night and didnt get in our beds until 2am on that Friday. Despite my school and work suffering, we truly had a great time and I am grateful we had the opportunity to see everyone. With that being said, I ate like a frickin sumo wrestler! Ooohhhh man, and it was delicious. but by the end of two weeks, the pants I wore on the flight definitely felt a little snugger than normal and the shirt I put on before that looked super flattering, started not to look that great. My cousin had a scale but I was terrified to get on it. I would stare at it literally everyday. It was mocking knew I didn't have the courage to face the truth and it was right. I didn't. When i got back from New York, it was hard to get back in focus with eating. In fact, I resorted back to my "I'll start on Monday" mentality. I ate Pollo Tropical Friday night and pizza on Saturday night. But when Monday came along, I went balls to the wall. I knew I didn't have the courage to weigh in that week. Although I knew that is what I SHOULD do, I know myself. I know my mind. I knew if I saw the truth on that scale, I would feel discouraged. I would feel angry. And I wanted to be motivated. I decided to forego one week and just work my ass off. And work my ass off I did. I ran EVERY. SINGLE.DAY. Two miles, three miles, three and a half miles. I ran until my shin splints screamed and still ran. I went back every single day, even Saturday and Sunday. Despite lack of sleep, despite any other excuse I could think of.I ran and ran and ran. I weighed in today and...not only did I lose the unspecified NY weight, but I lost 1.2 lbs on top of that... I AM IN THE FRICKING 180s!!!! I cant believe I AM IN THE 180s!!!! Oh man, I am so excited. I could jump up and down I am so excited. I want to scream it from the rooftops. I know I still have a long ways to go. I know I can't get comfortable now, especially with Thanksgiving coming up. IN fact, this is the time I need to kick it into high gear in order to make up for the gluttonous feast I plan on partaking in. Also, I have family pictures next week and it would be great to look my absolute best for this! If I could get down to 186, the weight I was when I got married, that would be an accomplishment in my book :). I plan on going to watch Twilight Friday with a friend Friday afternoon and then going out on Friday night so I am going to have to be strong and make some positive choices. I hope I can do it...EEK! Better start researching WW points now... GOOD LUCK TO EVERYONE AS THEY CONTINUE ON THEIR JOURNEY!! WE CAN DO THIS!! WE CAN!!

Wednesday, October 17, 2012

Weigh In Wednesday...

I. frickin fracking did it. I DID IT!! did what? Well, just did a slew of things that I never thought I would accomplish. First of all, I did the mud run as you guys saw from the picture. I am hella proud of me and my partner in crime. We worked our ass off and it was no small feat. WE DID IT! After the mudrun though, i started to feel feverish. The next day, I went to the doctor with a temp of 102.4 and feeling a complete wreck. After a chest xray, a breathing treatment, shot in the ass, a pharmacy of drugs, I left with a diagnosis of bronchitis and a sinus infection. So happy I went because it truly helped me. Anyways, my appetite was very little so both days I had pretty much a banana, breakfast  bar, chick fila bowl of soup, some saltine crackers and a little bit of dinner (chicken and spinach). Not much at all but I was forcing myself to eat even the above. I LOST 5 LBS THIS WEEK!!! It helps burning calories coughing so hard that your abs are actually sore (and I have been purposely flexing them in preparation of a cough everytime as well...hey you might as well fit it in somehow since I didn't have energy for cardio). Anyways, the 5lbs got me to 190 lbs on the scale. PROUD DOESN'T BEGIN TO SAY HOW I FEEL. I AM 190 LBS! I LOST 10% OF MY BODY WEIGHT!!!  I AM ONE POUND FROM THE 180s! I AM ONE POUND FROM THE 180s!!!!! I AM ONLY 5 lBS FROM 185, the weight I was when I got married! ONe of the last times I felt beautiful (well not counting pregnancy because I felt sexy pregnant. LOVED my buddha belly!). 5 lbs away. I have lost a total of 24.6 LBS. I am 5.4 lbs away from losing 30 lbs. I am just happy ya'll. And Im proud of me. I can't even lie, i definitely celebrated with a bread bowl of chili for lunch...and MAN it was delicious. I AM STUFFED! But every wednesday, I have me a cheat meal. I don't have cheat days, I have a cheat meal. And in my cheat meal, I refused the cheese in my chili...yes, I put sour cream, but its better than cheese, right :) ? Baby steps.  And instead of a dessert, I had a fresh fruit salad from the salad bar. But anyways, I got me a long way to go right now. My goal is still 170. At least for right now. I will see how I feel at that weight before saying I want to be less than that. But it actually feels as though my goal is attainable. I feel like I can reach it. I hope all of my weight loss friends out there are doing well. Its a struggle, for sure, but we can do it. We need to remain accountable, ask ourselves before we eat something if this will take us closer or farther from our weight loss goal. I use to wish myself skinny. Now I am fighting tooth and nail to be healthier. Wishing will get me no where. Not making changes or making excuses for myself and "hoping" the scale will move down is just unrealistic. Not pushing myself physically and expecting to see my body change is being delusional. I have to keep doing what I am doing. I have to work. I have to PUSH. I have to want being healthier more than I want a bad food choice. And its not easy. And I am not perfect, and some days, I just fail miserably. But I do my best to make up for it now, and make it a reason to make better choices the next meal, or push harder in my workout. Anyways, I am feeling PROUD PROUD PROUD! HOW ARE YOU GUYS DOING!?

Wednesday, October 10, 2012

No surprise

I am up. And I knew I would be. I gained one pound this week and I know what caused it. First of all, I didn't work out for one week. I had a medical issue that caused me to go to the ER on Saturday (not serious, just embarrassing). I have been told not to run. Well, without me running, my mouth was left idle. I bought baked lays for my husband and ate almost a half of a bag a couple nights before bed. I literally, COULD NOT STOP. I know that the saltiness plus the high glycemic index of those chips did me in the moment I licked my last finger. I am back in serious control of my weight right now. I don't care what the doc says, I will be back working out. My race in literally in a few days and by Sunday, i want to be down that pound. My goal for weigh in next week is three pounds. I know I got this. I am bummed because I was only one pound away from my 10% goal and I ruined it, but I will get it back. Im so close to my goals I can feel it and I won't let a bad week deter me.

Wednesday, October 3, 2012

The weigh in....

Man, I have really been sucking at updating and this blog will be pretty short. I had a crappy eating weekend. On Friday I went on a date with my hubby and I had a margarita, a half of a philly cheesesteak and fries for dinner. Then on Saturday I went out with my FABULOUS friend Charlie who was in from out of town and I had two glasses of wine, a few nibbles of fried shrimp appetizers, 2 chicken wings in blue cheese dressing, a half of a turkey burger ( I literally cut it in half before I ate it and only ate half) and a serving of fried okra. Oh yeah, i went in... But I will tell you what I did right this weekend. Those two dinners were the only bad blemishes in my day. I made sure my breakfast, lunch, and snacks were on point. I ran 3.1 miles on Friday, 3.1 miles on Sunday, 2.4 miles on Monday, and 3.1 miles on Tuesday. Yes, I ran my frickin ass off. I was desperately trying to make up for the weekend as well as train for the 5K race me and my girl Danielle are running October 14th. Literally a week and a half away. I also made sure that I kept my diet on point the rest of the week. I ate well. So after my 3.1 mile run yesterday (which I did in just over 36 mins...not too shabby for a big girl) I was sweating PROFUSELY. I mean it was pouring even after I was running. MY FAT WAS BAWLING!!! I pushed it hard and it didn't like it. I knew I was going to lose something this week. Didnt know what it was going to be, but I knew it was going to be something. Even though I ate badly this weekend, I knew I made up for it. I fought for it. And... I LOST THREE LBS! I am now at 194 lbs with a total weight loss of 20.6 lbs. I am in the 20s. I AM IN THE 20s!!!! I worked my butt off and it truly made a difference! I am only ONE POUND away from my 10% goal. ONE POUND. that target seemed so far fetched when I first signed up for weight watchers and I am just really happy and proud of my dedication. It hasn't been easy. My shin splints hurt like all hell, Ive tasted every possible SmartOnes cuisine made, its been more expensive to buy fresh shrimp, and salmon, and tilapia, and chicken every single week, as well as those KIND bars that are SO FLIPPING GOOD but cost like $1.25 EACH. It sucks buying fresh fruit every few days because it goes bad so quickly and it stinks sometimes having to make sure I am preparing all of my dinners at home because popping in a stouffers lasagna just isn't the most healthful option but I've been doing it. And this part feels good. The results feel good. I still have SO MUCH MORE to go. I mean so much more. I tried on an outfit this weekend that was a size smaller than I wore before but it still just didn't look good on my bootydo (my affectionate name for my big flappy belly). 194 lbs is far from svelte and I know that but I am looking better. I am having people take notice and in order to get to 174, I have to be at 194. I'm halfway there. I am frickin halfway there and this halfway doesnt feel half as impossible as the first day I walked into weightwatchers. What this has done is given me even more hope and focus. So anyways, I'm proud of me. I'm excited about my progress and I will continue to keep forging forward. I CAN DO THIS!!!!!!!!

Wednesday, September 26, 2012

I am down...

I am down. But this week, I don't mean my mood... I MEAN MY WEIGHT!! I AM DOWN!!!!!! WAHOOO!!!!!! I weighed in this morning (changed my weigh in day to Wednesday) and I am down 2.8 lbs, for a total loss of 17.6 lbs. I've lost 17.6 lbs. Wow. That feels really awesome to say. I can't wait until I can say 30 lbs or 40 lbs, but right now, 17.6 lbs really feels good. For the last two weeks, I haven't tracked anything. I have kept up my SmartOnes lunches and pretty much have the same exact breakfast every fricking day, a Kashi cereal bar and a banana. But since I gained that pound two weeks ago and started to feel bummed about it, I just kind of ate a little bit more freely. Like I stated before, I've been eating white rice. Basmati white rice to be exact. It was one of my big middle finger up to my weight gain two weeks ago. I didn't want to screw up royally and go through the drive thru, but I wanted to indulge. I decided I'm eating my damn white rice. And oh man... it was sooo good. Even in my revolt, I made sure to portion out everything. One cup, nothing more. I also had pizza this weekend. So anyway, Im on a new kick, I have a new found motivation but now I am not going to be as psycho. I am going to be healthy and disciplined. I am only 2.4 lbs from 20 lbs loss!! I CAN DO THIS!!!

Thursday, September 20, 2012

Um...Hi... I'm back :)

Soooo its been a long time since my last breakdown post from the day I went AWOL because I gained one pound for the week. Since then I have been downing about a bag of cough drops every other day, drinking Nyquil by the bottle, and not working out at all. I was SICK! I mean run me over, I may have pneumonia SICK! And honestly I do feel as though I had either walking pneumonia or a bronchitis because that cough was just ridiculous. But I was too stressed and busy to go to the damn doctor and too behind work to take off. So I went, despite people looking at me like I had the plague. But like I said, I didn't work out. Honestly, I dind't work out for almost two weeks. yes, that bad and that sad. And it wasn't just because I was sick, I was just tired. and overwhelmed. And I hated I started to get psycho with my weight loss again. I hated that I hated myself for gaining that one pound. Not hated, but was very disappointed. So I took a break. No, I didn't eat whatever I wanted, for the most part kept it healthy except for one eff it moment I had at the county fair last Sunday. Yeah. bad. BUT that was my only REAL slip up. I stayed pretty much on my diet, just not as disciplined as before. I had *gasp* white rice for dinner more than once. In fact, I'm having it again tonight with baked chicken and spinach. And yes, i am measuring my portion out to ensure I am having a serving. But I am living a little. And truth is, I feel like I'm actually a bit smaller. Now, I don't KNOW because I refused to weigh in this week. Nervous of what the scale said, i just didn't do it. The fact was, i started to FEEL better. I started to think I actually LOOKED better, and I even thought some of my clothes were ACTUALLY  LOOSER than before. And I didn't want the scale to dictate what I felt about myself this week. Yes, I will weigh in next Wednesday, but this week, i was feeling GOOD about myself. Really liking how I was looking. And feeling more confident. But that isn't an excuse to get lazy and today I went for a great workout with my partner in crime Danielle. I love how we motivate eachother to be our best. We did 2.25 miles and it felt great. It was horrific but great. I cursed several times along the course, but I felt proud to get back out there again. I will be back on the weight loss wagon. I hope my couple weeks off didn't cause too much damage. If I see a 2 in front of that scale, I will be devastated. But today I am happy with me. I am happy that I went to target today and got Medium workout pants. Of course they are workout pants so they have stretch but still, they are super comfortable and I love that little M. My top is an XL but hey, we are working on that :). I have so much catching up to do blog-wise. Sorry I went AWOL and totally abandoned my weightloss blogger friends. But Im back. And Im ready :)

Tuesday, September 11, 2012

Im up

I am up a lb. I want to cry. Like seriously cry. Its disappointing. Very disappointing. I hate my mood being equated by the scale.  But it is and I'm upset.

Monday, September 10, 2012

Tired doesn't even BEGIN to explain my current status

Oh man, what a day. Last night, Jonathan was hit by an UGLY stomach virus. He was vomiting every couple of hours and it was heinous. On about three hours of sleep, I had to go to my clinical this morning and I was DRAGGING. Thank GOODNESS I find Women's Health interesting. Felt my first uterus and got to see adorable little babies. Also saw where they do circumcisions. Man...its barbaric. My son has one and if I had another boy, Id want him to be circumcised too but sheesh, I wish there was an easier way. Anyways, my son is appearing to be feeling better even though he is still refusing to eat ANYTHING. I can't handle another night like last night so i am REALLY hoping this virus has run its course. With that being said, I am sick. Coughing up a lung sick. I just want to lie in bed and hibernate until tomorrow. I will gladly take a shot of Nyquil and call it in VERY early.

Survived a day of Bagel temptation today. Someone brought Einstein bagels and cream cheese to the nursing   station. I swear, before my diet, I've never had so much opportunity for free food. Now that I am restricting EVERYONE in my universe is more than generous fatty yumminess. Working on the floor so early truly makes you hungry. I brought an extr snack and made it until lunch.  Yesterday I did pretty well. I made a chicken fried quinoa. It was alright, I did my own recipe and so next time I will follow the one on Skinnytaste. But it was low in points and filling. I'm extremely nervous about weigh in tomorrow. I'm debating whether or not to even go. I haven't worked out since Friday and last week I only did three weeks. I usually do low carb dinners at least twice a week, not this week. And I definitely took in more calories as a whole. The math just isn't looking well for my side and I'm very nervous. If I am in the 200s I will be extremely disappointed in myself. Guess we will see, wont we...

Sunday, September 9, 2012

No good day...

Not much to say today. Diet was good. Bombed my effin Pediatric test. First one and I failed it with a 72. Passing is 75. I want to cry. Bawl actually. Jonathan was acting sick. Took him to the doc, he isn't REALLY sick. Allergies, maybe virus. Which I think the doctor was giving me as a code for, nothing. especially since he went in like he was the healthiest most active child in the world when at the house he was a hot mess. Sigh. Anyways, diet was good. Stayed on target for the most part. No low carb dinner. I am not feeling good about my weigh in Tuesday. Im just pissy all around. Anyway, got to wake up in 6 hours for my clinicals. Goody.

Saturday, September 8, 2012

Jennifer- 1 Temptation- 0

Oh yeahhhhhh! Survived a huge birthday party for a one year old today. The party of course was great but the food is something that always has me a bit worried. I made the conscious choice of eating prior to getting to the party. I literally popped a SmartOnes in the microwave and travelled down the road making sure it was completely devoured before I stepped foot into the house. Doing that helped me survive the most delicious looking macaroni and cheese, mashed potatoes, chicken nuggets, and CUPCAKES GALORE! I had... NOT ONE BITE. Of anything. I made sure to feed my son and just keep my mouth shut. I raced home in order to have some of my delicious dinner from last night, Red Thai Coconut Curry Shrimp and Quinoa. For those of you who have not looked on the website,  GO NOW. Like RIGHT NOW!!! I'll wait... because seriously, everything Ive eaten from that site has been absolutely delicious and I think its one of the very few reasons for my dieting success thus far. 

Anyways, I have so much studying to do tonight its ridiculous. Like seriously ridiculous. I am praying I can pull this test off tomorrow. Sigh. MAKE HEALTHY CHOICES EVERYONE! I know the weekend is the time that its sooo easy to falter, but don't let yourself. Keep your eyes on the prize :)

Friday, September 7, 2012

Cursed through every step of my 2 mile cardio

But I did it

Jumping back on the bandwagon

First of all,  I just want to say how grateful I am to have a support system. I honestly feel if I didn't have this blog, my emergency text weight loss sponsors Shanna and Danielle, FB Group Mama Laughlin, and my incredible family, it would be easy to fail. With all those people holding me accountable and helping me along the way, it makes things so much easier. Well, not easier, but it makes it harder to quit. Harder to let go. With school in full force, Im just beyond stressed. OB and Pediatrics are kicking my ass. And I use to stress eat during school. Now I don't have that and its making me freak a little bit. I need to go to the gym instead and really do things that uplift me and not use food as a crutch. I am so motivated by so many people who have lost the weight. And I know with everyone who has lost weight, they had weeks like I am having. Good weeks, bad weeks. Weeks they feel like giving the hell up. But I can't. i won't. I need to take it day by day and just really celebrate my accomplishments.

Anyways, yesterday, even with the rice cake binge, I was two points under. I ended up having a SmartOnes for dinner again too, SO I am probably retaining and insane amount of water right now. I need to get some of that natural tea I spoke about in the previous post to help alleviate that. I am going to work out today before studying and be as productive as possible. Here is my food journal:

Thursday, September 6, 2012

It is happening...

I am getting stressed and frustrated and losing my mojo. Actually, its my frustration at losing only 1.8 lbs. This happens to me in my prior diets. I work and work and work and then I get a loss I am not happy with. Then I want to say well F*(k IT!! and I am trying not to be that way. in fact, most of my indulgences are with healthy food but its not in the plan. And if I am in the twos next week, I know I will be devastated that I allowed myself to slip back down. I need to get myself together and stop sabotaging myself. sigh.

 Just had to vent.

Confession time

So its Thursday and I only worked out once this week. Tuesday and Wednesday was a shot day. I was helping out a friend on Tuesday night and then on Wednesday after my psychiatric clinicals, I was just too tired. Uber tired. And feeling lazy. I didnt even blog, well except for my dinner last night, which was a step above dinner on Tuesday night. I made the mistake on Monday of buying hummus and now I've become obsessed, which wouldn't be so bad if the carb-o-holic in me that I am trying to reform didn't take over my body and have me consuming almost three servings of pita chips Tuesday night. So that was my dinner and while I stayed under points, I am not sure if nutritionally it was the smartest of choices. So I am dedicating myself into getting back on the boat and being disciplined in my workout for the rest of the week and also keeping my diet in check. I told myself if I want hummus from now on, I will be eating it with celery. So here are my two days food tracker.

As you can see, my diet on Tuesday sucked. On Wednesday during clinical, I was SO exhausted that I had to get a coffee. I was falling asleep during counseling group session. If someone is pouring out their emotions about how isolated and disconnected they feel from the world, you don't want to be the one snoring in the back. So it was a do or die situation. 

I am hoping to keep on this weight loss direction. I can't wait for the day my clothes are too big for me. Thing is, I was in such weight denial that I kept all of my clothes from before, even as I was gaining weight. My work skirts for example, were so tight that I wore it all the way at my waist, like way above my belly button so i could actually button it. So the below the knee skirts actually looked like just above the knee skirts. My pants would be so tight at the waist, Id have an indention in my skin and would have to undo it to sit down. but I refused to buy new clothes in a size 16 or *gasp* larger than that, which i suspect in some things, I really was. So I lived in a delusional state of extremely tight size 14 clothes that were starting to look very tattered. Oh, and instead of buying pants, I wore leggings constantly. That way, i could just be a size large. And, they are SUPPOSE to be tight, so they comforted my ever failing self esteem. Soooo, my clothes aren't falling off, BUT they are fitting where they are suppose to be right now and that feels awesome :). Also my husband can't keep his hands off me!! well okay, he always couldn't keep his hands off me but its been  to the extreme. He almost cupped my butt in church. I am like "CHRIS! COME ON!!!!" lol. And everyday he sees me, he is just like "man baby, you are looking GOOD! you are sooo fine! WOW! I can DEFINITELY see all your hard work! You are doing it girl!" and it makes me feel really good. He has never made me feel any less than beautiful EVER but to know that he can see the effort I am putting in and loving it, it just makes me feel like his trophy wife or something. And I want him to always be proud of the way I look and the way I carry myself. I want him to always steal glances at my butt, and despite the church butt grab, I secretly love that he can't help himself.  Every wife should want to be their husbands fantasy.  As I get closer to my goal weight, i would love to do a sexy photo shoot. I want to wear something I've always felt too big to wear in my shoot: garter belts and thigh high fish nets. YUP, that is definitely my goal weight prize :). 

Hope everyone is having a healthy week. I will now start lurking the Blogger pages of all my followers and those i follow!

Wednesday, September 5, 2012


A pretty large hunk of chicken on a bed of spinach and a little Quinoa. I'm hungry...
(That is a small salad plate though)

Tuesday, September 4, 2012

4th week Weight Watchers weigh in and yup...Im mad.

Sigh. Okay,  I am mad. Yes, I know I am always mad. I am pretty sure that unless the scale says I lost a ridiculous amount of weight that week, Im always going to be slightly annoyed, so I apologize in advance.  But yes, Im mad. And Im only mad because I feel as though I did so much better than the loss I got. I mean all that running, and refraining, and discipline to lose... 1.8 pounds. Yup, thats all. Have you SEEN what I ate all week. Have you SEEN how many times I ran my ass off. And yes, 1 POINT 8 MUTHAFRICKIN POUNDS. HUH!?! Ughhhhhh!!!!!!!! Im pissy right now. I know I shouldn't be, but I am. Anyways, so the first month weight loss on weight watchers is.... 15.8 lbs. My weight right now is 198.8 lbs. I will say, HELLLOOOOOOO 100's!!! Wahooo!!!! Not too shabby. the huge first week helped me out. My goal is 9 lbs for the month of September. In fact, I will make it 9.2 lbs. I want to go ahead and get a 25 lbs loss. I know Its ambitious. I know its hard. I know some may say a little impossible but I am thinking I can do it. I KNOW I can do it. Looks like some more cardio, or maybe increasing my days to 5 days a week... which I was suppose to do a long time ago and didnt. Food wise, I need to change some things up. I need to add some more protein during the morning. Maybe i will make an omelet or protein shake. I feel like I am missing something out of my routine. This is a super tough week for me. I have another nursing exam this week. Last week I had an OB exam and this week it is Pediatrics. I haven't read at all for my Pediatrics. I truly have tons to catch up on! the book is SOOOO dry and the pages are as thin as bible pages. I think its written on gift tissue paper. Plus I have work, which i am missing tons of. Man oh man. Just trying to stay afloat. Pray for me.

Anyways, my mom just left after a 3 night visit. I loved having her over and Jonathan just absolutely loved having his grandmother at the house. It truly makes me wish she lived closer. I miss her so much. I can't wait for the holidays when I can see her again!  I am so grateful to have her in my life and Jonathan is beyond blessed to have her as a "Grammaw".   I wish I could win the lotto and just spoil my parents to pieces. They are just selfless and I love them so much. Hubby, My mom, Jonathan, and I went over to Danielle's yesterday as a labor day potluck and we had SO MUCH FUN! Everyone just talked and talked and talked and I can't wait for Chris and I can take Danielle's family down to Savannah for a long weekend sometime soon. With everyone's schedule, its so crazy getting the time but we will make it happen.

Anyways, here is my eating yesterday. I was very under in points because I saved my appetitie for dinner just in case and ended up doing great. I will do better this week.

Monday, September 3, 2012

Busy, busy, busy

I feel like holiday season came and went so quickly and that I haven't done a great job of blogging since Friday.  I truly enjoyed my weekend! Besides feeling great about reaching a personal goal on the treadmill, I managed to eat really well these past couple of days. Yesterday we went to Golden Corral after church. Typically, a trip to Golden Corral would entail me consuming large quantities of macaroni cheese, mashed potatoes, corn, fried okra, hot buttered rolls and dessert.  Well I shaved that down CONSIDERABLY and left feeling only satisfied, not stuffed and full...which lets be real, is the only reason you go to a buffet, right? Ugh, I was robbed. People should be charged a diet fee. lol.

Anyways, I have to study so I will have to write something more substantial during lecture tomorrow. Make great choices everyone!! WEIGH IN TOMORROW! YIKES!!!

I gotta long way to go

Two miles in 24 minutes 39 seconds. Whew! Gotta challenge trying to hit 23 minutes. But i wanted to stop at 1.84 and kept going. Happy Labor Day all!

Saturday, September 1, 2012

I effin DID IT!


I HIT MY GOAL OF 11 MINUTE MILE! Not only did I hit it, but I BEAT IT BY 7 SECONDS!! WHOOT WHOOT!!! I may have finished looking like this:


Whew, okay, now I will bring it down a notch, but I have to truly say that I am proud of myself today. When I started this journey almost a month ago, I hoped I would still be dedicated to this lifestyle change but as many times I have started and finished a diet in the past, in the back of my mind, I had some doubt. Could I do it? Would I do it? I still have so much longer to go but I've come this far. They say it takes doing something for one month for it to become habit. Well this tuesday will be my 4th week. Do I LOVE going to the gym and getting my workout on? HELL NO. I fricking hate going. If being fat was sexy and healthy, I'd be HHHOOOOOTTTTTTT! But  I am motivated to go. I am wanting to change my life. Being this size isn't healthy and is a terrible example for my son. I want him to grow up knowing a healthy lifestyle. I want my husband and I to be around for him. If I get hit by a bus and lose my life early, then that is one thing. But I do NOT want to eat my way into an early grave. Eat my way into not being around for my grandchildren. Being in nursing school, I've seen so much. And its sad to say that more than HALF of the people in those hospital beds put themselves there. I am not talking about the unfortunate people who got breast cancer, pancreatic cancer, or any other type of diseases that is like a russian roulette game. I'm talking about the ones who are smokers for 20 years and now have COPD. Or those with Type 2 diabetic and still eat themselves silly because they think an insulin shot is their saving grace only to find out its not. My grandmother died way before her time. And I know it could have been prevented. It should have been prevented. Over 60% of those people with Type 2 Diabetes will die of some sort of heart related issue, such as a heart attack or heart failure. For my grandma, it was a heart attack in her sleep. Prior to giving birth because of the PCOS, I was actually prediabetic. I was put on Metformin at 27 years old. My sugar actually evened out after pregnancy so not on anything but but that is a scary thought. I am close to potentially having that in my life again. I need to fight for my health. I already have one strike against me with PCOS, I can't create a strike against myself because I want some damn fries. What sense does that make? Its just not worth it. Of course I will have things in moderation, when I am in a good place weight wise. Being healthy will afford me the ability to eat whatever I'd like every now and then, but not now. Right now, its important to stay healthy and strong. Stay focused. Reach my goal first. No shortcuts. NO SHORTCUTS.  I have a motivation in my soul that I've never had before. And its weird but I actually prayed for myself to be strong against my addiction to food. To be able to really and truly get fit. I am doing it day by day. Meal by meal. i won't promise to be perfect, but I do promise to try everyday. To ask myself before making a careless decision "IS IT WORTH IT?". At a weak moment, it may be Yes, but so far, its always been no. 

Anyways, here is my intake from yesterday. A little under but I did really well. Dinner was DELICIOUS!!!!!

My baby boy

I love this kid.

Friday, August 31, 2012

Trucking along...

This will be short because my laptop battery is about to go dead and I am too lazy to get the charger. ITs been THAT kind of day. Im just so tired. My mom was suppose to come into town today but just like a typical West Indian/Caribbean, she is late and will come tomorrow. I have my first exam for nursing school tomorrow. Am I ready. Hell no. And I have so much studying to do tomorrow that I have a headache just thinking of it. And its 10 pm and I have yet to eat dinner. But please believe I am going to eat tonight. Dinner is almost ready and I am starving. I've literally been cleaning my house for about 5  hours and its still not done. I've neglected many different parts, I can't even lie. The common areas are spotless but if you venture upstairs, you will see my secrets. I had clothes EVERYWHERE. then Jonathan, my dear sweet boy was replaced by a mini monster from the underground, whose sole purpose was to drive me crazy in a Walmart. I know he was simply exhausted so of course I kept myself together but it wasn't easy.

Yesterday I was really under points. Didnt even realize I was that below to tell you the truth. Ah well, I am making up for it today. ME HUNGRY!

Thursday, August 30, 2012

No shortcuts.

Every bead of sweat gets me one step closer to my goal! 

Everything worth it takes work to get.

A new day...

So... all that game I was talking yesterday about working out and eating within my points for dinner. FAIL. Totally didn't do either. I was hungry and I have to admit I had the "I DONT CARE" attitude yesterday. I just wanted to eat the salmon that I had prepared the night before and I wanted to eat my quinoa, and I just did not care. Maggianos did me in yesterday and I would be lying if I said I wasn't pissed about it. It wasn't worth me going at all and I didn't even want to go at the end. Next time, I will just say no and leave it at that. Anyways, here is my day from yesterday. I just realized I forgot to add the asparagus I ate that night as well, but asparagus has no points. Ahh well. I have to just think of this as my new mentality. this is a lifestyle change. I may have good days, I will have some less than good days, and I will have some outright shitty days. I just have to start the next day as a new one and keep on going.

Wednesday, August 29, 2012

Damn Maggianos

So my plan derailed. After eating my side salad, my boss made a comment about me not eating and literally handed me the chicken piccata and told me to have "a little". Being that I want to make a good impression and not insult the hand that is feeding me, I took about 2.5 oz of the chicken piccata and some of the sauteed spinach. the damage. 15 points. Are you kidding me. UGH. I couldve used those 15 points for something soooo much more worth it. Like seriously. So my dinner may be very scarce today. Lean meat and veggie. Sooo not trying to go over. I really wanted that yummy salmon and quinoa. Damn Maggianos.Welp, at least I didn't partake in ANY of the spinach artichoke dip that looked AMAZING, the bruschetta, the warm looking rolls with butter, the creamy alfredoey pasta with chicken and mushrooms, or the Massive tiramisu they put in front of my face. I was beyond strong. So yay for staying smart while there. My waistline will thank my dedication.

And I just want to say if I was a toddler I would look like this right now:

I ABSOLUTELY do not want to go to the gym today. In fact I may do this at the gym doors:
My legs are actually a little sore from our workout yesterday but really, I just feel lazy. Like absolutely, positively, sloth mode. I just want to not do anything. Ugh. But I will go... Im not going to promise to be a rockstar, but I will go. Even if I do a little bit. Because a little is better than nothing...
Thinking about going to the gym burns 0 calories and 0 grams of fat.

Le sigh...

Exercise induced Rhinitis/Allergies...ain't that some fat girl sh#@!

Sooooooo, apparently I have exercise induced allergies. No, Im not making this stuff up people. If that isn't some fat girl shit, i don't know what is! LOL. I've noticed when I do rigorous running on the treadmill, as soon as I am done, my nose starts to run, I start sneezing, I start coughing. I mean, it is really odd. It happens more often than none so it made me look it up online. Well sure enough, its a real issue. My body responds to vigorous exercise by releasing histamine...for you non science nerds, histamine is a chemical your body releases when you are having an allergic reaction. Mine is tolerable, and yes, I am joking when I say its a fat girl problem. Many athletes actually have it.Iits just my body responding to physical stress, and its just a nuisance more than anything else. It isn't contagious and I'm not "allergic" to exercise. I took a benedryl (antihistamine) last night just because I was sneezing all over my  book but I won't need to be treated. I will just let it be :)

Anyways, the department at the hospital I work at is taking everyone out to lunch... at Maggiano's. So you need to know that there are two types of food that rock my face off and probably responsible for at least one of my chins... Mexican and Italian. So when I found out that this is where we were going... um yah, minor freak out. I then calmed down and said, "I will just do as they suggested at the meetings. Look up what I am going to order and not even look at a menu" I put Maggiano's in the WW tracker and OMG... things as high as 70 points came slapping me in the face. Everything was SUPER high. Even the tossed salad is 6 points... HUH? I almost was going to fake an illness but then I remembered I had an emergency SMART ONES lunch in the company refrigerator. So at 10:35 am, I am eating my lunch. Then when I go to Maggianos, I plan on only getting a salad or perhaps some grilled asparagus. I will be satisfied so no need to over indulge. Now in theory this should work, and hopefully I will be able to come back and report that I did just that but I am proud of myself for being smart and foreseeing a potential diet deterrent. I am really invested in this healthier lifestyle and want to be successful. So there you have it! Me making strides :)

Yesterday went well like I touched on in my final blog yesterday. My dinner was flipping delicious! Man oh Man. I can't even lie, if I knew eating healthy was this good, I would have done it a long time ago. The asparagus I made tasted YUMMMO! I just sprayed it with some Smart balance oil spray (like PAM but made by SMART BALANCE and has Omega 3s) and sprinkled some kosher salt. I popped it in the oven for about 6 minutes and it tasted PERFECT. Oh man so good. The fish I bought was delicious too. I always get my seafood from Publix because its so fresh there. Literally got 2 lbs of salmon and even Jonathan ate it. I measured out 4 oz and ate that but when I looked on weightwatchers later, I realize I could actually have 6 oz of salmon for a serving, so I will getting me a bigger portion tonight. I went to sleep very satisfied though. I am surprised I was as under in points as I was yesterday but I know that my body got some good nourishment. Here is my day yesterday! Good choices to all... oh! And Congratulations to my weight loss buddy Danielle,who lost 2.8 POUNDS this week! GET IT GIRL!!!!!

Tuesday, August 28, 2012

Salmon~ its whats for dinner.

Had a GREAT workout with my girl Danielle tonight! Whew, it is so much better working out with a friend. Didnt beat any personal mile records but  I know I was close. If sweat is fat crying then my fat was BAWLING. Lol. Even did a one minute plank.

Dinner for tonight. 4 oz of baked salmon topped with italian breadcrumbs. 1/4 cup of quinoa and alot of asparagus.  Not only healthy but it was DELISH!

Week three weigh in results

So after starving myself all morning refusing to eat until I weighed in for the week, I got my result...
I am down 2.4 pounds. This makes a total of 14 pounds. I should be excited but...

I am mad.

Yes I said it. I KNOW I am being unrealistic. I KNOW that I should be grateful for every single pound that is shed from my rotund body but... I wanted to see a much better number. I wanted so badly to finally see a 1 in front of my weight. But nope. I was mocked at 200.6. This is after me busting my ass at the gym last night. I lazily wanted to stay home and watch bachelor pad as it aired but I got my big butt up and went to the gym. i did 2.25 miles last night. No records, I finished my first mile in 11:14 seconds, so worse than my personal best but I kept going. I was DRENCHED with sweat and so proud of myself. Felt amazing. But it still wasn't enough to move that scale number under that 200. I am changing it up now. I am entering week 4 and I need to be focused. I really need to keep my cardio in check but I desperately need to up my protein. I noticed my protein levels are very low and so I going to increase that big time. Completely revamping my menu. Only thing that will be consistent is the smart ones for lunch. I think I will start making spinach, chicken, cheese omelets in the morning. Then incorporate a protein shake in my diet post workout. I am going all in this week. Its bullshit. I know I know, slow and steady does win the race but I want to help my body lose the best way it can. If i am being deficient in protein right now, I need to change that. Our bodies are well oiled machines. I haven't cheated ONCE this week. I know I am capable of healthily doing three pounds. I know I am more than capable, especially  for the amount of weight I have on my body, i can be fairly steady. I have a lot of it. So I am CHALLENGING myself this week. It will be hard considering my Mommy will be coming in from out of town this week but I am going to cook some healthy items for her as well to enjoy and I know she will very much be on board. So thats the plan. I guess we will see if it worked by next weigh in. I'm excited and nervously challenged by this. My current diet has been so easy to maintain thus far. Ive been eating pretty much the same thing but its time to change it up a little bit.

Ahhhh. okay my vent is over. And now that I sit here for a few minutes, you know what, I'm happy I'm down and I am currently minus 14 pounds! And I am 4 lbs away from the most weight I've ever lost before. For my wedding, I lost about 18 lbs. Thats the most weight ever and I had a personal trainer. I will be STOKED to reach that weight loss pounds again :)
Here is my day yesterday:

Monday, August 27, 2012

Everyday I'm a hustlin'

So its Monday. A long week ahead of me including an exam and several assignments that will be due. Ugh... Anyways, Jonathan started at his new school today. Of course I was nervous like any mom...will he feel nervous? Will the kids be nice to him? Will he make friends like he did at his other school? Well he walked in like the champ that he is and the other kids came up to him and said "HI!". I wish people acted towards other people the way kids do. They don't see big or small, fat or skinny, black or white. They just see a kid. And they want to know them and be their friend. My baby boy waved at me and said "bye mommy!" and it truly eased my heart. I hope he has the best day. Can't help but think about him. i love that kid.

So I am feeling a little blah today. I am unsure if my efforts this week will be enough to see the scale move.  I will be going to the gym today and will try my best to work it out but I am nervous about what the scale will end up saying. Oh well... I can only do the best I can do, right? As much as I would love to see a 1 in front of my weight loss, as long as its down, I'll be happy. Hey, I'll even settle for just 200.... oh man though, I really want to see that one though. 199.... even just 199....

So as I spoke about before, I have been taking only natural supplements. Throughout my 20s, I have filled by body with every type of diet pill. I don't want to do that anymore. I don't want to feel my heart pound out my chest when I am simply sitting in a chair. I want to do things that will HELP my system. So I have been taking Flucoxanthin and Green Coffee Extract for about 2 weeks, as mentioned and recommended by Dr. Oz.  I am thinking of also buying this:
Dandelion root tea has shown "choleretic" effects, which means that it can stimulate the liver to increase bile flow. Once bile is released by the liver, its two main functions are to carry away waste and to break down fats during digestion. So overall, it helps promote healthy function of two extremely important organs of the body (liver and kidneys) and also help remove wastes. I am excited to add this to my healthy repertoire.

So here is my food intake for yesterday. I was really below yesterday but that is mostly because I was helping a friend and realized I missed a snack at 2 pm. Hope everyone makes good choices today!!

Sunday, August 26, 2012

Danielle's beach sexy hair

So my beautiful friend Danielle wanted to do something a little different with her look, especially since we have been both on a journey for fitness and health lately. From  the Bonqueshas to the Kim Kardiashians and Jessica Simpsons, the ladies of the world have been obsessed with HAIR (and as you already know from my Unbeweavable post, i am a fan), so I offered to put in some hair extensions.  Well I did it for her today and I may be biased, but I think she looks AMAZING! Here are some pictures of my sexy friend! YOU GO GIRL!

Here are a couple of BEFORE pictures:

And here is my sexy hot friend with a little something extra... AFTER:

ignore the crying toddler in the background...

I know I am biased but she looks sooooo fricking cute!


So I stayed 100% focused during the party yesterday. Truth is, I didn't have much of a desire to even eat badly. Well okay, the macaroni and cheese almost did me in, BUT I stayed very focused with my eye on the prize! I also got my first weight loss compliment from someone that I didn't tell I was trying to lose weight. Terrance mom said "Jennifer... have you lost weight? You are looking good! I can tell." And that made me beam of course. Looking down at myself, I really dont see it but the fact someone took notice (and way before the 20 pound mark that it is said when people notice weight loss on you) makes me super happy.

Anyways, had  a great time with friends. Here is my favorite man in all the land:
And here is my Goddaughter Madison-
Jonathan's best friend Jordan:
And last but not least: THE BIRTHDAY TWINS!

Such a fun time!!!

Went out for hibachi last night because I did not feel like cooking and Chris loves some good hibachi. Also, I can have a huge amount of delicious sushi for a fraction of points! I left complete full and it was awesome. Jonathan however will not be going to anymore hibachi restaurants. He screams bloody murder at the fire and we always have to leave the table. At least I dn't have to worry about him playing with matches anytime soon.

Saturday, August 25, 2012

11 minutes and 16 second mile today

1.54 miles in 18:17 and cool down to 1.6 miles (19 minutes 47 seconds)

No core today because it took 17 minutes to get my lazy ass to walk in the gym.

Getting into my groove

Gotta make this post short because I have a toddler ready to dip out of here. We have a busy day since its the twins birthday today and I am trying to get work and a workout in today. 

Yesterday eating went well. I think I am coming slightly obsessed because I am starting to dream about food. Last night I dreamed I was eating at a buffet. Literally shoving food in my mouth and thinking "oh no! I wonder how many points I am consuming now!!". Uh, yah... awkward. Anyway, I spent much of last night looking through blogs of people who had weight loss over the past few months. I was really inspired by many. To see how they were once where I am and day after day, they pounded away at the pounds! Its great to see they also had frustrations and feelings of being tired and fed up, but just kept going. Last night I was kind of in a blah mood. Proud of how I'm doing thus far but looking down and seeing that I have sooooo much more weight to go. I know I didn't pack it on all at once, so i am going to lose it little by little anyway. Lose it by being dedicated and focused on this. I can do it. I know I can. 

Here is my day yesterday. I went pretty far under yesterday. That dinner makes it nearly impossible to keep with my points. I didn't work out though. I forgot my shoes yesterday. I am determined to at least get 4 days in this week. I MUST do it. I aimed for 5 to do better than I did the week before, but if I can't beat it, I gotta at least match it! 

Friday, August 24, 2012

Dinner tonight

Didn't work out to tonight forgot my gym shoes. Enjoying leftovers of Turkey bolognese on top of spaghetti squash with weight watchers shredded cheese. Awesomeness.


TGIF!! I am sooo ready for this week to end. While it hasn't been "bad" it has been incredibly stressful. The summer has truly spoiled me with time with friends and family. Now comes the life of solitude as I go back to cramming everything that I can left in only 24 hours of the day. This is the time I neglect everyone and pretty much become the worst friend on earth. lol. But I have great people in my life who understand and this year I am making an effort to squeeze in date nights, squeeze in girl nights, and squeeze in ME nights.

So I was finishing my tracking for yesterday and apparently I went WAY under points. Totally not on purpose. I made a delicious Bolognese sauce, which I took from (as usual). I made a few modifications to it, for example, i do not like any kind of bacon or anything that tastes remotely like bacon, so I skimped out on the pancetta. i also used ground turkey instead of lean ground beef, and I used a few more veggies, for example adding yellow, green, and red bellpeppers and mushrooms ( I LOVE MUSHROOMS!).  See all ingredients below:

Skinny Bolognese Sauce

3PointsPlus Value
Prep time: N/A
Cook time: N/A
Serves: 16


And it truly came out looking like this: 

ONLY THREE POINTS for this delicious, veggie laden sauce. Instead of going the pasta route, i decided to  do spaghetti squash. Tasted amazing and again, my dinner was THREE POINTS. Well, now that I look at my points for the day, that modification kept me severly low. 
Thirteen points under plus I exercised. Hmm. I may need to start doing something more in order to keep my calories and intake in order. I know I am eating healthy but I don't want to be that low of a deficit. I have some edamame at work today and I think I will be indulging in some of that. This afternoon. With me working out more, i really need to up my protein anyways. 
Tomorrow is my friend's children birthday party and while I am looking forward to seeing the kids play together, I am not looking forward to all the cakes, cakepops, and food I will be surrounded by. Just need to remain focused as I have been doing already. If I am able to work out tonight, then I will be 4 days in with my workout routine. I will be trying to push myself today even more on that treadmill. I am SO CLOSE to hitting 11 mins for my mile.  I will also be focusing on some core workouts. Due to pregnancy and a wonderful C-section, my core needs some work. I will be doing some planking exercises at least twice a week and when I reach the 15 lbs mark, I will be looking to get a body wrap. Not sure if those REALLY work, but anyway I can try and keep my skin somewhat tight, I will gladly take. I will try anything at least once. 

Thursday, August 23, 2012

F*&% water weight!!!!

Just ran my mile in 11 minutes and 19 seconds.  Getting stronger everyday and earning this shit!!!!
Did 1.35 miles today and my ass is tired!

Aunt Flo came... and brought Cousin Laziness and Hunger with her...

My period is in full gear and has brought a grumpier, more sensitive, hungrier me... I know I need to mentally get past this by going to work out and really pushing past this time of intense carb cravings. Last night I did okay. I had my west indian curry with quinoa. I started off with a half a cup of quinoa and then wanted more so went for 1/4 cup more. I was just HUNGRY. My intention was at first to eat Cauliflower mash but I wanted something carby!! I also had some blue chips prior to my meal, so clearly, I was HUNGRY. Tonight, I plan on low carbing it up with some spaghetti squash. At least that is the plan. Then I am going to have a huge bowl of watermelon and blueberries with a half a cup of light cool whip. I am hoping that will trick my body into thinking I am eating ice cream. 

Anyways- I've just been super sensitive and I know its just my period and its stupid. Someone at work just made an offhanded comment about how I am just losing water weight and blah blah blah. Well you know what, Ive worked super duper hard for this "water weight" and I am going to keep on going.  Being that I've had issues in my past about my body and stuff, its hard when people make comments and I have the insecurity monster creep up into my head. My time of having an eating disorder is definitely long gone and I am dedicated to be healthy about this because I know the damage you can do to your body but the insecurity still lingers a bit, in the back of your head. But I am so blessed that I have a louder voice with my husband that screams how much he loves every inch and every mark on my body. He. is. awesome :)

So in addition to my weight loss, I've also been transforming my face. Due to PCOS plus coupled with having african american sensitive skin, I have TERRIBLE hyperpigmentation along my forehead, jawline, and  neck. I am blessed to have a symptom of PCOS that does not include irregular periods, however I did have the cysts (when I did a follow up after childbirth, my cysts were shed and so no cysts thus far), I had the insulin resistance, and I had the hirsutism, which is the abnormal hair growth on a woman which often would affect my jaw and neck. Always very embarrassing. Well now, I am undergoing an expensive dermatological treatment. I did this treatment prior to my wedding and was so happy with the results. I am excited to be doing it now BUT my skin is undergoing the first stage of redness and peeling like I am a damn iguana. I knew it was coming but its funny to see people look at my face and pretend not to notice when they are clearly staring at it.  Its been about two weeks since i've started and I already see a difference so I am super excited about it. My skin is smoothing out and the marks are starting to really fade. I'm aiming to be one hot nurse mama in 2013! :)

So here is my eating for yesterday. Stayed one below, so still doing well but it was definitely not easy. I also didn't work out yesterday. I just didn't wanna. I'll be making up for it today though...

Wednesday, August 22, 2012

Mean people suck...

I hate when people don't think before they speak. Ruined my day :'(

Is it May yet?

School is kicking my ass and its only the second day. W.T.F? Nursing school has seriously got to be one of the hardest things to get through. The sheer volume of reading is enough to kick your ass into fetal position. This semester is OB and Peds and I am already about 70 pages behind. I am also fighting my butt off to keep my position here at the hospital.

Anyways, it looks as though Aunt Flo may make an appearance this week. Goody. I have already been dodging delicious goodness all day. This girl at my school made banana strawberry pudding. With extra vanilla wafer... you kidding me? Then I got to work and someone told me about all the free food they have left over because of the conference and for me to help myself. It was such a delicious spread. i literally had to run away.  Nope. I am staying focused. I do not want to emotionally eat away  my stress. I want to look for more healthy alternatives. My legs are SO SORE right now though. My thighs are aching and in a sick sadist way, i love it. I love that my thighs hurt because I've worked them out and the muscle is trying its darndest to grow and my fat is dissolving little by little each day.

Last night I made THE MOST DELICIOUS dinner. Being west indian, I LOVE my curry chicken, but its cooked in oil and has chopped potatoes in it. Welp, I made a skinny version. Instead of using oil, I just sprayed the pot lightly with Smart Balance oil spray. I skimped on the potato and instead went for green, red, and yellow bell peppers, onion, and garlic. then I just tossed drumsticks in, put a cup of low sodium chicken stock, and 1/4 cup of light cocunut milk. I had two drumsticks (with skin) and it was 11 points. Then I had a 1/2 cup of quinoa. Jonathan LOVED it. He scarfed down enough of my portion that I put his ravioli aside and made him his own plate. He loves curry but typically doesn't like peppers. Well I guess with the curry sauce, he didn't mind it.  Very proud of my dish :)

So here is my damage from yesterday. I was under points again. I need to up them back to normal. Today may be that day because I seem to be more hungry than usual.