Thursday, September 6, 2012

Confession time

So its Thursday and I only worked out once this week. Tuesday and Wednesday was a shot day. I was helping out a friend on Tuesday night and then on Wednesday after my psychiatric clinicals, I was just too tired. Uber tired. And feeling lazy. I didnt even blog, well except for my dinner last night, which was a step above dinner on Tuesday night. I made the mistake on Monday of buying hummus and now I've become obsessed, which wouldn't be so bad if the carb-o-holic in me that I am trying to reform didn't take over my body and have me consuming almost three servings of pita chips Tuesday night. So that was my dinner and while I stayed under points, I am not sure if nutritionally it was the smartest of choices. So I am dedicating myself into getting back on the boat and being disciplined in my workout for the rest of the week and also keeping my diet in check. I told myself if I want hummus from now on, I will be eating it with celery. So here are my two days food tracker.

As you can see, my diet on Tuesday sucked. On Wednesday during clinical, I was SO exhausted that I had to get a coffee. I was falling asleep during counseling group session. If someone is pouring out their emotions about how isolated and disconnected they feel from the world, you don't want to be the one snoring in the back. So it was a do or die situation. 

I am hoping to keep on this weight loss direction. I can't wait for the day my clothes are too big for me. Thing is, I was in such weight denial that I kept all of my clothes from before, even as I was gaining weight. My work skirts for example, were so tight that I wore it all the way at my waist, like way above my belly button so i could actually button it. So the below the knee skirts actually looked like just above the knee skirts. My pants would be so tight at the waist, Id have an indention in my skin and would have to undo it to sit down. but I refused to buy new clothes in a size 16 or *gasp* larger than that, which i suspect in some things, I really was. So I lived in a delusional state of extremely tight size 14 clothes that were starting to look very tattered. Oh, and instead of buying pants, I wore leggings constantly. That way, i could just be a size large. And, they are SUPPOSE to be tight, so they comforted my ever failing self esteem. Soooo, my clothes aren't falling off, BUT they are fitting where they are suppose to be right now and that feels awesome :). Also my husband can't keep his hands off me!! well okay, he always couldn't keep his hands off me but its been  to the extreme. He almost cupped my butt in church. I am like "CHRIS! COME ON!!!!" lol. And everyday he sees me, he is just like "man baby, you are looking GOOD! you are sooo fine! WOW! I can DEFINITELY see all your hard work! You are doing it girl!" and it makes me feel really good. He has never made me feel any less than beautiful EVER but to know that he can see the effort I am putting in and loving it, it just makes me feel like his trophy wife or something. And I want him to always be proud of the way I look and the way I carry myself. I want him to always steal glances at my butt, and despite the church butt grab, I secretly love that he can't help himself.  Every wife should want to be their husbands fantasy.  As I get closer to my goal weight, i would love to do a sexy photo shoot. I want to wear something I've always felt too big to wear in my shoot: garter belts and thigh high fish nets. YUP, that is definitely my goal weight prize :). 

Hope everyone is having a healthy week. I will now start lurking the Blogger pages of all my followers and those i follow!

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